Books strewn across the bed. Being a sickly girl -- My heart thudded at the thought -- books were the best of friends to me.
Books like My Youth Romantic Comedy Turned Out Wrong As Expected, manga like Yona of the Dawn and Magic Knight Rayearth.
The romantic comedy definitely turned out wrong. But that assumes it was possible at all. I tell myself it was never a goal at all.
Like Hachiman, even I have a handful of friends. A basket full of Belgian chocolate sat next to me, a pink ribbon tied around the handle. And a violently pink handwritten note, adorned with my name, :)s, and <3s. On the back a sketch of Yukino Yukinoshita. (She is a fan of the other characters, but especially Yukino.)
A red velvet cake, partially eaten, was by the basket, in a white box. From my parents, who had visited the day before.
My condition is not particularly stable. It's been three months since I was last in school. For a 15 year old girl, that is death itself. Well, except for the other kind.
Stepping up briefly, I brushed my black, straight hair, intently untangling the layers. It provides a moderate solace, akin to applying makeup. Not that I got much experience with that in a hospital. Sank into the bed faster than expected. With difficulty, I sat up.
Gloomy thoughts still floated, taunting the sunlight. The heart palpitations were...annoying to say the least. I wondered how a noble soul like Yona would tackle this situation.
A knock at the door. And without any wait, it opened. An attending resident, clad in a white coat, holding a manual wheelchair. It was fully opened. Taking a seat, shaking slightly, I lowered myself -- Saki being my name -- and placed my feet on the rests. My posture assumed an upright position. My lap held the most recent compendium of Hachiman wisdom.
Today was a checkup, and we were headed up. That was a lie. Sorry.
A heart monitor on my wrist gathered all the data necessary.
This was a personal favor. Taking me for a whiff of fresh air, at the miniature garden on the hospital roof.
The elevator was decades too slow. It eventually arrived, taking me to my destination.
With his help, I transferred to a chair, and took in the fragrance of roses.
Then we discussed small things. Such as mortality and life goals. I suspected he brought me here to stave off my existential angst. Little did he know, it was working. Not that I mentioned it. Even he appeared troubled, a hint of a frown to any mention of my heart troubles.
It wasn't simply pity, but dangerously close.
"What can I even do? I'm just a girl in a wheelchair, too sick to go to school," I complained to my violently pink friend via text message.
"Have you seen Yuuki Yuna Is A Hero? A girl in a wheelchair not unlike you saves the world! I think of you as an elite magical girl, protecting us all!!!!"
"Maybe...you're right." I said.
"Of course I am! Magical Girl Saki has a nice ring to it anyways. And it means you can't die!"
That was when I blacked out. When I woke up, I realized I had become a girl. Wait, I already was one.
I woke up to the hospital room. But I was blanketed in darkness. The heart palpitations were still there, but slightly milder. Didn't feel like I was gasping for breath. The gifts were gone. Outside, I saw a floating lantern, casting dim light on the ground.
Still clad in a hospital gown, I opened the window and slipped outside. Dirt abraded my bare feet as I continued. This was probably as annoying as the heart palpitations.
But my room wasn't on the ground floor. This was incredibly weird.
Maybe I was teleported into another world, like a rising shield hero. Ha. As if. It was a preposterous notion: getting a chance to make my imprint on the world.
So was I dead? But it wasn't even a pickup truck. It was heart failure, I guess! The most boring death, but at least it's no cliche!
Not gonna lie. Tears did start to form in my eyes. I'm not that immune to being alone. I won't make another snark.
Could I at least have a pretty dress? While I'm chasing this green lantern across a mysterious forest. Ahh! It won't stop! It's been ten minutes. I would have to sit if this went on any longer.
But it wasn't really a lantern. The light was too small.
Suddenly, that "lantern" joined a stream of brilliant green, twisting and twirling like a serpent of the sky. My neck muscles protested, as I gazed upwards for the first time in forever. The fireflies, as if they realized how imminently Japanese they were, performed a glorious light show in the woods.
Maybe supernatural beings were nearby. Certainly this was a beautiful scene. My tears had quietly dried.
But I stumbled, barely catching myself before falling. Heart pounding like it had in my other life, just short of it really. I sat on a tree root protruding from the ground. Catching my breath, I ran my fingers through my hair.
I suppose it was not that different. But right now, that odd urge to attend school returned. It festered as I made my way back to the hospital room. Making my way through the window. I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to the same bare hospital room. The only difference was the sun. So it couldn't be a dream. The only logical conclusion.
Despair threatened to set in again. Across my bed was a scattering of cherry blossoms. Thankfully, I was spared that cliche. Brrr. I rubbed my arms to try to feel warm. The hospital gown sported tears across my stomach and shoulders. I shivered.
The pretty dress would come in handy.
Opening my eyes, I realised something covered me. A red rose sat perched over my forehead, a maroon dress covering my torso and legs to the knees. My hair had fallen back and assembled into a bun. (And beneath was underwear.)
There was no mirror, but i could tell my circumstances had changed. Maybe there is not a way back...but I want to assume there is a reason I woke. It may not be grand. In fact, it would go against the wisdom of Hachiman to hope for a life changing event. Even just progress itself may be enough.
I returned to the site of the fireflies. In morning chill, it scarcely stood out beyond being a set of trees. But it occurred to me: I had found where i had watched them.
A path crept away from the root I had sat on. Too subtle to notice at night but clear here.
The trees supported me as I followed it, leading to a tunnel.
Briefly it was pitch black. Then i saw a sky blue light up the path around me. Even Hachiman's fish eyes would brighten up in wonder.
Maybe that's the strength of a fantasy tale. That sense of wonder.
But my friend's childish love of pink still was missing from this land. It was funny, for her name was Sora.
My footsteps grew more timid. Scanning the cave, I noticed how linear it was. Pointing beyond my understanding.
Perhaps it is obvious. But why did I wake up? To live anew? Or to continue my past life?
My walking became rhythmic. And my thoughts returned to Sora.
It was a few years ago, during my most consistent spell at school. No, not towards the beginning of it. Soon before I returned to the hospital, even.
I had fallen on my back, slowly rising as consciousness returns. My heart sharply protested my movement. Sitting up was a challenge, even trying to get off the floor in the middle of the hallway. My fellow students just stared, which was what I expected.
But Sora, a girl with long dark brown hair, with glasses, who looked so very quiet, lifted me up onto her back and carried me to the nurse's office with a broad smile. She gave me her phone number and waited until I was ready to go home. Before I left, Sora tightly and unexpectedly hugged me. She implored that I keep in contact.
Sora was a quiet person normally, and not even in my class. It was a stroke of fate I suppose. But it was an important moment in my previous life.
Thud! My foot hit a rock, bringing me into the moment and onto the floor. Taking my clumsiness as a sign of overexertion, I sat down.
Continuing on, the tunnel broadened out. I coughed, for the air became full of fantasy and ash. In front of me, a blade with a thin red handle, held upright within a pedestal. Just before it, the blue light ended. With some effort, it was secured.
My heart reminded me to sit down. I gently tested the sword, pleased by its lightness.
I bet Sora would be pleased. Ever since she visited me at the hospital, shortly after we became friends, Sora impressed me. With her strength, and with her nerdy interests.
Sometimes, it was her sitting with me in the rooftop garden. Sora taking my books and narrating them in a goofy voice, occasionally prodding me. That was how she discovered Yukino.
That cruel twinge of nostalgia hit me fiercely. I swear something is just in my eye.
With red eyes, I made my way out, past the pedestal. Before I knew it, a purple being, a wisp of smoke, had materialized. It stood in my way.
The...first fight scene? Maybe I rescind my desire for a pretty dress.
The sword whizzed through the air, intent to strike down its foe. But I had badly missed, my attack light years away. The shadowy being rushed in, and almost landed a blow. My awkward movements, a casualty of the dress, aided me in escape.
But I fell onto the ground. The impact was fierce.
-------------------
*
I made my way towards Saki's room, after getting instructions from a nurse, with a bouquet of sunflowers. With my free hands, I pushed up my glasses. Today my nose was slippery with sweat. And her parents walked just behind me.
It was not to be so joyous. Saki had her eyes shut, and was hooked up to machinery. Cords running across and into her. The attending staff asked us to wait outside.
Rather than worry in the sterile icebox that is a hospital, I led them to the rooftop garden. The one Saki had told me about years ago. (I was reminded recently.)
A book sat on the floor, near the garden. Its pages were ruffled from being dropped while open. I recognized it, though. It was My Youth Romantic Comedy Turned Out Wrong As expected, home of the great Yukinon.
So Saki must have...this situation. I… hate it. What happens now?
Her parents seemed lost in thought, both silently gazing at the garden.
I did what little I could and picked up Saki's book.
By this point...a nurse had come to bring us to Saki.
The monitors suggested she had stabilized. The cords were finally mostly put away.
I slipped the book into her hand, my own hand quivering.
Something was amiss.
I thanked my glasses for hiding the true condition of my eyes. But they seemed to slip again, this time urged...by something other than sweat.
For they had declared Saki dead from heart failure. The stabilization was...
And behind me, I became aware of her parents walking forward. We grasped Saki's lifeless palms, still scarcely retaining body heat, and came to terms with reality.
----------------
Evading a downward thrust, I made a dash for the exit. My blade pointed towards the being, but that was hardly a deterrent.
I valiantly sweeped it with an acute angled kick and a vicious stab.
That didn't really happen. Instead, I stumbled through the narrowing of the tunnel, and prayed the being did not follow.
Is this what protagonists were supposed to do?
----------------
*
It's been two months since Saki passed. Sitting in my bookshelf are the books she left behind in the hospital. A last reminder of her...at least a physical one. For that reason, they sat neatly on a piece of velvety fabric.
This made me tear up.
Grief is supposed to start with denial, but to me it's stayed a mix of depression and acceptance.
But if anything, now is the time to live for her. Become that cheerful persona I carried for a long time.
---------------------
The tunnel rumbled. A column of dust landed on me, prompting a hearty cough.
Was it still behind me?
I felt a presence disappear in response to the shaking.
Gasping for breath. Blood catapulting through my arteries. Collapsed onto my knees. Shut my eyes.
Woke up feeling groggy, but definitely alive. Stumbled out, eventually being buffeted by a stream of sunlight. I felt blinded, as my eyes adjusted.
In my hurry, I had left the tunnel at a different place. A river flowed mere feet from the entrance, bathing me in mist. Whatever. It sure beat that dust.
I sat on a rock overlooking it, grateful for the chance to reflect on my situation.
Maybe my wishes have power in this world. The dress, the sword, and escaping the foe all probably related to my conscious desires in some way. So maybe...I could wish for Sora, my violently pink friend. Maybe?
-------------
*
Little hands grabbed at mine with great energy. Wearing a blue apron over my usual garb, I was accompanied by young girls.
Fingerpaint clung to my hair, holding it in clumps.
But my apron remained clean.
That sounds shady, right?
Well not to fear! I'm volunteering at a preschool.
I was pestered with questions as I put toys away. What's it like being old being the toughest one, probably.
But still, a smile stretched widely on my face, even as I herded my sheep to get their things. Was I the dog or the shepherd?
At any rate, Saki would want this. I can move towards that idealistic self image of mine. The one she saw.
Bending down, I gave one of my charges an exuberant high-five. She went home with her mom, smiling brightly. This job was a good idea, after all.
I waved at the remaining kids. They waved back. Well, some did. Those who hadn't lost interest.
The night fell as it always did. Under the moonlight, I frowned. Because my head was low, I almost walked into a pole.
This wasn't to say, I had moved on. I was still accepting what had happening. But tomorrow was another day.
Sleep came easily, somehow.
My newest hobby was now on display on the table for the children. A delicate, circular arrangement of purple flowers drew the attention of the girls, crowding by the end of the table.
Ikebana, the art of floral arrangement.
Of course, I was an amateur.
One of them, with especially large eyes and brown hair to her lower back, insisted I teach her. So I did.
She presumptuously called herself Aki-sama.
This wasn't exactly the lesson I was in charge of. But I figured a detour would be fine.
I herded them to their seats in time for the real lesson. My eyes glazed over, as much as I wanted to listen. This had been true for the past few weeks.
Still, in the midst of boredom, I felt a tiny smile on my face.
Maybe this work isn't that for me....But It's been something to keep me going outside of school.
There felt like a tug at my sleeve. But nobody was by me. How strange…
-------------
Readying my sword, I tried to slash the tree in the same place. But the scratches seemed to drift rightward over time.
This was hardly going well. Though the deviations decreased over time.
A memory was flashing across my mind. The first encounter with Sora, where she had saved me from that embarrassment. My head fell onto the tree, my flexed arm resting above it.
Ouch!
Well, does this world even need saving or is that just me? This place seems desolate of humans.
So so empty, I shouted in my head and kicked up leaves.
Then I heard a rustling of leaves, and a girl in similar dress stumbled out.
"Uwaahhh" she shouted in a cutesy way as I caught her.
"Wh-who are you?" I stammered. "I'm Saki..."
"My name is Mao! How do you...do? ...wahh...I'm sorry for spying on you!"
Surveying her dirty blonde hair, I asked, "Your name is Mao, huh?"
"I'm half Japanese...." Mao told me coyly.
Because I was still holding her in my arms (unwittingly), I noticed her eyes. She seemed to be telling the truth.
"Mao, are from this world? Or...?"
"I told you I'm Japanese! Buuuu. I arrived here just a few moments ago, noticed you, and here we are."
I finally helped her to her feet, angling her body towards the ground. She then stood up straight, like a true lady. Hands properly by her side.
"So how did you die? I...succumbed to heart failure..."
"Hmm...it's not completely clear. I recall standing on the pavement in front of a cafe. A brief glance at my phone to type a sentence for my phone novel. Then my body fell onto the ground. Here it gets fuzzy...but it may have been an overturned pickup truck. My vision grew blurry and I passed on from shock moments prior."
"So a more dramatic death huh?"
"But you died of heartbreak! Living the great romance with a handsome prince...until it was no more."
I pushed my feet together and responded. "No, no, no. Nothing like that. I died of heart failure from my congenital condition."
Having said that, I needed to sit down, heart resonating with my words.
"Hmmm... I will heal your heart right away! Pain pain go away!" Mao said gleefully before hugging Saki.
--------------
^
Uwah! This world is like a magical forest. A place where certainly you could camp out and have fireflies around.
When I was alive, I was too afraid to pursue nature much. Always more of an indoor cat.
Hoho...I can peer down this mighty hill, the shy sun hiding from me behind clouds. Hard to believe it has only been a day.
Saki went to gather food from the river to our South. I can't wait to gut some fish. Perhaps dying was far from the worst thing.
I'm some kind of fantasy hero now!
But...the breeze did nip at me, unprotected at the top of the hill. Hopefully Saki would be back.
-------------
A kitchen knife materialized in my hand. Again the power of wish seemed powerful here. At least, some wishes would be fulfilled. Even more mysterious, my condition improving modestly...
Strange how after being here three or four days hunger only struck now.
This was only from theory, but I knew what to do. Stabbing into the salmon belly, I carved out its innards and materialized a pan for cooking over a bright flame.
The sun began to fall, so Mao sat closely. Surprisingly, we ate in silence, with serious expressions.
We thought about different things. For her, I wasn't sure. But for me...I wondered if my wish to see Sora could materialize her. But...surely this world has its limits.
I...want to see her.
-----------
^
A hike with fireflies would be neat. As long as it's not a grave of fireflies.
But during our separate adventures, the area appeared to repeat. A forest, a cave, a river, a hospital. The area turned out to be a couple square kilometers or so.
And certain markings, like Saki practicing wordplay on a tree, began repeating with a dizzying frequency. It makes my head spin!
Maybe....there is one more person who should arrive. That would be cool!
That thought came about as I ate delicious fish, downing it in minutes.
A third humanoid shadow appeared by the campfire. I hope we can be friends!
Please read Half Two after this,
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