Orphans, Namida

Happy 2016, everyone! I know I really have not been updating properly. Just a couple weeks ago, what seems to be a falling out of sorts was set into motion, a falling out with a friend who is of utmost importance to me. It drained me. Writing has become even harder as I stew in my emotion. But a theme on this blog is that art impacts life, and it reflects impact upon life.

So I have been reading One Week Friends, a manga about a boy named Hase and a girl named Fujimiya - Fujimiya has had memory loss for years, which essentially means she can only hold memories for a week before losing them. Think Chihiro from the Ef series. But as a result, this manga gets at what makes a friendship. Can a friendship be recreated? Even if memory is lost? Whether due to time, a medical condition, or just something else? So reading this manga helps me unpack my  feelings of despair and now I have a new frame for my situation. Having to struggle so hard for friendship, that you must ask someone to be your friend every week, is both inspirational but also tragic. But it gets my mind off my situation at least partially.

Above is a rather lovely image of Kaori Fujimiya from volume 1 of the manga (shamelessly taken from Batoto.) (Other two images shamelessly taken from Myanimelist.)

Another work that I am enjoying is Shirobako, a beautiful anime about making anime by PA Works. I still have like 9 eps left, but I can tell that it will likely be fantastic. Totally peak zru-core.   As someone still trying to find his place in this world, I find this show so endearing - the characters are not shy about not knowing what's next, but they never give up. Whether it's Rii-chan (below) reading Crime and Punishment and other stuff by Dostoevsky so she can write scripts, or Oi-chan trying to figure out however the hell anime production works.  Or Zuka-chan botching her first audition, mainly because of nervousness. 

The metaness is quite high, especially when it wants to mention "Ava" (Evangelion) or Isao Miyazaki (Isao Takahata and Hayao Miyazaki). There was a pretty awesome reference to En Attendant Godot but they decided to feature two women as the main two character; thus Godot plays a thematic role in the show, but they also add to the original feature. By changing the casting, the play (in the show) takes on a new meaning of young adults, in particular women, trying to find meaning. It's not simply one group that takes on this despair.  The show pretty much stole my heart when it mentioned Brothers Karamazov, one of my favorite books - I keep threatening to spoil how it ends to one of my friends. He's ginger, so it's okay. Rinko-chan's gothic aesthetic is another fabulous part of the show (to the left, to the left). If I had to choose one word for Shirobako, it would be "heartwarming." It's the metaphorical hot cocoa for my metaphorical winter.

Some New Year's resolutions can be established based on my efforts:
1) Try to restore friendship with that person
2) Write 1 "full" blog post a month - an actually researched post that's more than 3 pages long - and two short posts a week
3) Complete at least 300 anime on MAL, with a ratio of at least 65% TV
4) Try to actually finish the story I'm working on
5) Annoy Justin to tears
6) Get into grad school/rough equivalent (such as Fulbright)
7) Read at least 2 long VNs (20hrs+)

8) Finish at least 2 mangas (that are 7-12 volumes in length), so including One Week Friends

9) Finish Shirobako tomorrow

And that's what's been going on, I guess!

A thought occurred to me that I should reflect on this year. 2014 was a difficult year for me, but 2015 is the hardest after 2013 for me. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The year I tried to fight against my tendency to repress my emotions, the year I graduated university, and the year I started having heart palpitations. The year I started taking medication preemptively for my heart, and the year I started taking sleep medication. It's been a rather turbulent year for me, especially since I've faced so much change. After graduating, I noticed that my friendships seemed to vanish into thin air, and I began to doubt myself even more.

My heart palpitations occurred around the time that I realized that I had been rejected from all the graduate schools I had applied to. All that money and effort, down the drain. It set up the rest of the year terribly, even if my grades for Winter and Spring 2015 were good. It throttled my confidence and motivation.

I faced so much frustration when I did volunteer research work, because it made me feel that my hands were terrible. That I couldn't do anything much except for helping with literature, which isn't considered especially valuable. But that's contrasted with speaking with professors and applying for graduate schools, where it seemed that I found that they were friendly and understanding. That even if I struggled, I could keep going. However, I started hitting boredom while volunteering, and now I've settled into complete stagnation.

This was a year that I began journaling around mid October. That's how I know I saw Your Lie in April towards the end (of course memory works too) - that show appeared many times in my journal entries, especially as I began to see Kaori and Arima as extensions of myself. But it also awakened painful memories in me, forcing me to interact with those emotions. Journaling often ends up shallow, but sometimes I find real gems, where I can dig deeply into my emotions. And sometimes it's just made up mathematical modeling of feelings, which does nothing.


Then for a few weeks in November, my mom was gone, meaning that I lived alone. This was while I was volunteering. But I would be alone for most of my time, so I began to feel quite depressed. When I'm alone, the internal demons come out, but there I had no one to hold me back. I just clung onto a "stability" that didn't exist because I just wanted my mom to come home. My little sister visited sometimes, but it didn't alleviated the pain. It reminded me of that time when I fell to sinister emotional depths - it was when I was in Atlanta, at the conference back in November 2014, and I was all alone in the room. I thought of hurting myself but I held back. While home alone, it was a similar situation. Having to go to volunteering felt miserable for those few weeks because I felt ignored, just a burden and useless. And then, without me realizing it, the volunteering ended. I felt satisfied with compiling information for my lab but ultimately, I felt unaccomplished, especially with the actual lab stuff. I just read papers....It was good practice but it felt lacking.

At some point, everything began blending together, so I feel a mixture of sadness and apathy, of hopelessness. Now I'm placing my hopes in my applications, to graduate school and Fulbright. I just want something to work out so I can re-energize after such a hard year. How do I keep going? At this point, I'm not sure. And I feel like my friendships are dissipating, for the most part, save few...It seems like I still could greatly improve on making healthy relationships.

It wasn't all bad, though the good moments felt more sparse this year. I was hugged by my friend, which made me really happy - even if now the friendship is in jeopardy. I'm sure there's a lot of positive events that happened but so many feel small and intellectual. Presenting at my honors thesis defense made me feel really proud of myself - I could put together a professional set of slides and teach people about my research. One of those few events that helps me claim more confidence.

I'm very grateful for my friends and family, those who were there for me or at least tried, and I'm grateful for anime. Especially Non Non Biyori Repeat, Shirobako, Your Lie in April, and Sound Euphonium (and others). This was also the year I tried out Mobile Suit Gundam 0079, helping me get acquainted with mecha, and I also finished Mushishi and Honey and Clover. I got so much more anime done than I ever dreamed I could previously. At least the despair seems to be counteracted by my efforts. I am hopeful that next year I can accomplish new things and grow. And refine the things that are already there.

Ganbatte ne, Zru!

- Zeldaru

Vile Cemetery of a Blog

Starting this year off, I decided to write a blog post every day, a trend that died after January. Past April, I didn't even manage to write every couple weeks, barring August, so clearly that resolution did not go through. But, New Year's resolutions....aren't they about improving, even if you don't end up consistent with it? As long as you make gains? This year was my first real effort to hold a New Years resolution. I guess the trick is to focus exactly on one thing, rather than trying to create many different resolutions.

Now, after graduating, what could be stopping me from writing more often? A variety of factors - often, I require some amount of inspiration to actually write for this blog, even when I have an idea mapped out. Furthermore, sometimes long posts or posts that require a lot of effort just take time and I get delayed. For example, that Top Animaymays post I keep promising, but it progresses like a Sunn O))) album - dirge-like, buzzing like a fridge, and with a de-emphasis on change.

However....lately, I have been feeling down. This lachrymose perspective stems from years in the past, so I cannot simply pin it down to graduating or current life circumstances, forcing me to reconcile my life as this horrendous cycle. Watching sad anime or engaging sad music is itself difficult, as I am in such a state, but it also allows me to see beauty in it. So I'm not sure how to respect seemingly contradictory emotions. Yet the strain of "being in the real world" adds more detriment and debris to the emotional clutter that is my mind. Though I journal my feelings, they usually involve the work I have not yet completed. My efforts have not created that many insights as of yet and I worry that they never will - my thoughts, trauma are locked deep inside as if hiding inside a fortress of solitude. The walls, however, repel any efforts to destroy them as they are shielded by protective magic, dispelling foolish attempts.

As far as some more life, I am closing in on finishing Gundam AGE (Episode 40 out of 49 is watched) and my Nanowrimo story managed to hit 7 pages, which is my second best Nano. I am excited about this story because I thought of ways to add insight and compassion to a tragic story. Through this story, I will try to unpack my feelings, and discover when and what went wrong. I will post this story, which I have called, Aria in sections, just as I have done with the first part.

Lastly, I have two graduate school applications left, thankfully. I'll be glad to have those done.

Someday, there will be more posts. Maybe.

Pondering about the big animes in the sky

1. Luck and Logic, =
2. Durarara s2, =
3. Boku dake ga inai machi, =
4. Musaigen no phantom world =
5. Shirayuki s2=, 
6. IBO, =
7. Dagashi Kashi=,
8. haruchika, =
9. Ao no Kanata

 I think that I, on account of my newfound free time after applications, will pursue watching 9 shows. Who knows how well this will go? Well, who knows. The ones marked * are strictly time-permitting. The ones marked = I am watching with my comrade/partern in crime. Man, I might get a true winter season experience now! Of course, I've heard terrible things about such experiences.

Short Movie Reviews

I read moviez and I wants to write aboot them, ok!

1. Stalker (1979)
Directed by Tarovsky, Stalker is one of those very Russian films – sparse dialogue, emphasis on cinematography, and an abundance of nature. Man not merely separated from nature but part of it. The film seems to emphasize how industrialization changes society – the first part, the first 30 minutes or so, is full of faded color and urban landscapes. Then the film switches – color is introduced as we see a transition in to lush, green rural Russia. One masterful feature of the film is the framing: images are portrayed intimately without feeling zoomed up.

The cinematography, along with brief snippets of music, captures a distinctive world: it is a Russia seemingly without full industrialization, a Russia that is distinct from characteristic images of the Soviet day. This film captures an alternate Russia, one that has features of 20^th century Russia but is also distinct – through this lens, we can see how encroaching industrialization impacts people’s lives. A stalker, the film reveals, is someone who escapes urban life to enter the Zone, which can supposedly fulfill desires. However, the Stalker later tearfully admits that one gets caught up in worldly desires, especially the craving for money. 

Stalker ponders life itself and how humans can change with industrial progress. Through excellent directing, the film captures impressive scenery while moving slowly, creating a stronger impact. However, this slow but necessary pace does get in the way of personal enjoyment. Because of its themes and portrayals of Russia, the film is absolutely worth watching.

2. Tales of Vesperia: First Strike (2009)

Tales of Vesperia: First Strike is a prologue movie, meant to be seen in conjunction with playing the game Tales of Vesperia. The film, as a result, focuses on the characters Yuri and Flynn, who appear as main characters in the game. Specifically, ToV:FS tracks Yuri and Flynn’s and others time as Royal Knights – those familiar with the game would know that Yuri drops out whereas Flynn does not, setting the stage for a sub-plot behind the film.

However, this film serves a broader purpose: to acquaint the viewers with the world itself, not simply add details for the seasoned fan. With this development, we learn that Yuri is apathetic but also quick-tempered – he is not a person who enjoys excessive rigor and having to temper his tongue. Flynn is rather similar to Yuri in many ways – however, Flynn is more obviously a highminded person who wants to accomplish good in whatever manner he can. In a sense, they are both self-centered, which leads to conflict. Though the film is geared for a general audience, it is bogged down with terms such as “aer” or “blastia” that have to do with the particulars of the world.

Despite this overexposition, this film is a fun fantasy adventure, though it is improved through familiar with the game. The movie tends to be slow but it uses such opportunities to build the characters. With a climax only minutes from the end, the film keeps you on edge. The jerk is satisfyingly and brutally slain. Throughout, the bright visuals and clean animation are also quite compelling – clearly someone put a lot of money into this film.

3. Expelled from Paradise (2014)
CG, yes CG. I was quite worried beginning a work with computer-generated graphics but to my surprise it was well-implemented. (The head movements still seem far too jerky to provide an accurate depiction – here is where the CG seems least bearable.) Though I prefer non-CG, the experimentation was interesting. The main character Angela Balzac, who lives as a digitized human on the space ship Deva, is forced to use a physical body during her time on Earth – I believe that the clunkiness of the CG well represents her character as being completely unused to this unfamiliar body. However, the CG cannot be excused as much for other characters.

Expelled from Paradise centers around the idea of human evolution and offers the solution that humans become digitized and lose their physical bodies. Having such a corporeal form, to the beings living on Deva, is a relic, only fit for dying out humans left on Earth – the uncivilized humans. To them, Deva is an utter paradise, fitting because the word Deva refers to a divine being in both Hinduism and Buddhism. When Angela has to head to Earth to find a hacker threatening the people of Deva, she is disgusted by the planet, especially at the idea of having a physical body. She meets a man named Dingo, who, through his guitar playing, teaches her about the value of having such a corporeal form. Music is at its most powerful when it can be felt -  classical music that can soothe your muscle tension, or  metal that can raise your heart rate.

The film presents some rather interesting themes, though they are not completely explored, which provides for an intellectually stimulating work. The ending is centered around fighting, which shifts the emphasis towards fighting off the bad people, rather than further exploring themes. I really enjoyed the film’s consideration of the relationship between an individual and society, especially what happens when an individual is cast out. Aristotle, for example, believed that a person cast outside of society is either a god or a monster, which summarizes the latter half of the movie well. Expelled from Paradise is a comparatively fast-paced film which makes it worthwhile even though it has some squandered potential.

4. Rebellion (2013)
With sweeping strings that enter a few seconds in “Colorful” by ClariS, through its upbeat and invigorating sound, provides a burst of energy into the introduction of the film Rebellion, which is a sequel to the anime show Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Asides from the song’s stylistic role in the intro, it aptly describes the visual aesthetics of the entire film – even as the film takes on noir tones that heavily rely on shadow, there is an excess of color always present, giving vibrancy to the background.

 Through this style, the film can explore darker themes while not feeling overly indulgent in grimness. The film features expansive perspectives, showing us that the characters are part of their backgrounds, not simply individuals in a sea of nothing. (This approach is reminiscent of that which is explored in Stalker, at least to me.) The film also makes use of dioramas and other creative artistic devices – reminiscent of Monty Python albeit more serious.

Owing to the art style, clarity does suffer somewhat, making many scenes rather confusing. As a work of art, Rebellion refuses to reveal its secrets too soon. As a result, pacing does seem rather slow for the first 15-20 minutes, but once the movie picks up it hardly slows down, except when it comes time for a conclusion. Through watching, I found myself feeling especially connected to Homura, who is apparently cast as a villain – I felt that she chose to take up Madoka’s role rather than allow Madoka to suffer, which is a rather  courageous action. In short, it reminded me of Those Who Walk Away from Omelas, which captured a similar exploration of utilitarianism. In the Madoka universe, apparently the few suffering for the good is not without consequences. Out of the movies I saw recently, this was my favorite.

An Update, and a Review of Gundam 0079-0080

Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. I am still alive as you can see from a different post from today! I have been busy with a multitude of tasks but they boil down to these: research, grad school apps, writing an academic manuscript, NaNoWriMo, and a lot of anime watching. All of these tasks unfortunately prohibit me from updating regularly or actually being decent with my (possibly nonexistent) readers. The same blog ideas that I have shared will still see attention (some of them at least). However, I may widen my intended range of posts to capture the immense amount of anime I have covered.

I wanted to spare a few thoughts on Gundam 0080. After seeing Gundam 0079, I was wanting a more nuanced depiction of Mobile Suits. In my opinion, 0080 gave me that. Admittedly the first couple of episodes were alright, focusing on characters and not giving enough of an emphasis on the themes. Al and his friends - all in elementary school - were extremely immature and it was painful to watch them get so hyped on war. One of my concerns starts there - a girl in their class tries to argue about mobile suits and I felt that the OVA series swept her aside when she provided an alternative perspective. Greater effort with her character could have added nuance. However, she is receptive when Al starts crying at the assembly at the end, seemingly empathizing with his newfound feelings on war. Christina and Bernie also provide guidance to Al.  Both seem fairly stereotypical at first, but I felt that both get some degree of fleshing out. By the end, you are saddened to hear about what happens to them and how things play out. Ultimately, through these characters - I suppose his parents play a role but they are portrayed as mostly distant - we see a shift in Al. He grows to hate war in a convincing manner, even if his initial motivations were super dubious.

Gundam 0080 did not focus on the fighting like 0079 but rather thought about the effects of that fighting. Here civilians were injured, millions of dollars of damage incurred, all because of the war - because of both the attacker and the defender. The setting itself was far more civilian, so the effects seem much more personal than in 0079 - we get to see a macro result of war, that of destruction and harm. I believe that this particular setting, one of peace, gives Christina an opportunity to play a role, seemingly outside of gender expectations. She is both a data analyst and a Gundam pilot, both of which seemed to be reserved for males in 0079, and can be seen to be a capable but compassionate person. Certainly a worthy role model for Al and certainly gives 0080 much more feminist points than 0079.

I would go into further depth about 0080 but I feel that such a discussion would make more sense as I progress into the series. I enjoyed how Bernie learned the horrors of war, as a rookie, before his life teaches Al these same lessons, giving thematic continuity. Never did I pause and think "gee, these messages are pretty inconsistent!"  However, in that same lens, I wished that Al had gotten to talk to Chris about the Gundam and the events that occurred; that would likely be "overexplaining" but I would be interested to see how she would respond. I believe that such a scene would cement Al's growth. However, Al crying during the assembly and the girl bringing the teacher to him provided a satisfying conclusion - he is both reaching out to others and understands what was wrong with his eagerness for war. He stands as a stark contrast from his friends who are disappointed that the war is over and expect the next one to be bigger, flashier (with more mobile suits). That's why, in my opinion, the last 15 minutes of the 6-episode OVA series are really good and manage to capture the series' essence.

0079 had some instances that seemed quite sexist. For example, we never see Sayla as fully capable of fighting enemy combatants, at least from my perspective. Mirai is also seen as an object for affection not as a person, as evidenced by multiple different characters wanting to be loved by her. This normative heterosexuality surrounds her and it becomes hard to see her as a person due to this depiction. Fraw Bow was cool but she was a victim of not having anything to do. Tomino seems to enjoy putting female characters as 'nags' who do not take action. In fact, they are never given control of the Gundam, which instead rests with Amuro's hands. As far as enemy combatants go, there is Lalah, who appears to be killed off as a plot device. Lt. Matilda meets a similar fate of being killed off as a plot device. This approach is both uncreative and definitely alludes misogynistic messages: women can die as symbols, but men are allowed to be alive. (Granted, some male characters do die as well, but I felt that they made it more obvious that Lt. Matilda and Lalah were to be treated more as symbols than people.)

Furthermore, though this is a military base with some diversity, clearly in action the men take up most of the glory. For example, there is Hayato who is solely focused on fighting so that he can surpass Amuro. And Amuro himself is often moody, unwilling to engage in any communication because he was fighting; this behavior is repeated often, emphasizing his valuing fighting. Thus, the desire to fight one's enemies is emphasized through Tomino's directing. In my eyes, 0080 avoided these traps - yes, gender roles were generally followed but there were some female characters who played a heroic act, at least in my perspective.

0080 was also able to deliver impactful messages about war, where was 0079 offered no satisfying conclusion asides from the typical protagonist (Amuro) fights antagonist (Char) duel. As 0079 progressed, I felt that many ideas were stuffed in and did not organically work with each other, leading to an increasingly convoluted struggled. I could not tell why Zeon and the Federation were fighting, nor was I particulary invited to care about their outcomes. Char was cool but he may have been the only memorable Zeon figure. In 0080, again, you saw Bernie as a Zeon, Al as an in-between, and Chris as a Feddie, which really gave personal context and meaning to the conflict. The civilian setting gave further meaning - here, you were destroying people's livelihoods, not simply machines in space, or people hidden away in bases; destroying humans, civilians, and not just enemy soldiers. I hope that through roundingout the one year war experience I can gain a better understanding of why these two sides are fighting and what their motivations and ambitions are.

I hope that I can get something akin to the Empire vs Alliance as in LOTGH.  LOTGH provides many similar themes, with its emphasis on space and colonization, as the Gundam series, especially 0080. Fundamentally, we see two sides fighting, each consider itself right, and we as viewers are allowed to see elements of both perspectives. Some events that occur in LOTGH could conceivably happen in Gundam. Such as the Earth Cult, which worships Earth - I sensed a strong fascination with Earth in Gundam as well. Watching these two series - 0080 and LOTGH - sure has helped me understand and appreciate what happens in an extended war and how civilians can get caught within the conflict.

If the Gundam series can deliver similar experiences to 0080, count me in. If they are more like 0079,  then eh. I intend to round out the One Year War experience, which should help me appreciate the particulars of the fighting, before moving onto AGE and Build Fighters. Through this effort, I hope to work my way through a significant portion of Gundam. From there, who knows - maybe I will try and see other mecha, like Doga Kobo's Majestic Prince.

Aria

 Below is an excerpt - the first page and a half or so, to be more precise - from the story that I am writing for NaNoWriMo (which takes place during November). The idea stemmed from wanting to write a poem about a friend who is quite special to me but one that I will likely no longer talk to.  For those wondering, yes, I did show her "Aria" (Murray Perahia's rendition) and yes she is thought of as fairly cat-like by her friends. My relationship with her was....well, weird and in some ways painful but ultimately important. This poem is present in the beginning of the story and helped me bring together a story. This November, I wanted to create a story that is not cut off from my own story. I also sought to change my genre focus here from fantasy/supernatural or sci-fi to more of a romance/drama sort of approach.

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The musty book – though, I guess it had only come out earlier this year - lay open to a poem called “Aria”, a reference I vaguely understood as providing deference to the piano works of Bach. Poetry is usually incomprehensible to me, but regardless I decided to try reading. After all, what kind of poet would I be if I shied from such a challenge?

“A black cat licking its paws,
never minding the sun,
yet altogether bathed in its brilliant light.”

My eyes hesitated as I scratched my head; then I kept reading.

“That being as human,
a piano player,
viscous blonde hair extending far downwards,
and pale skin, giving way to red;

Her piercing green eyes,
feline in existence,
that seek out the genuine, that repel the fake;

Simultaneously one apparently lacking elegance,
but with great sophistication and insight:
One who can make an astute comment,
and can also laugh the subject off.

Initially a sinister omen,
a person of discord,
she is revealed to be complex (eccentric);
but then,
as a cat senses its boundaries being overstepped,
I was scratched,
wounding my feelings and self.

Soon the black cat,
amidst torrential rains,
jumped off the wall,
entering the unknown and becoming a memory.

A memory that repeats endlessly,

losing and regaining complexity,
as the entire complex disintegrates steadily,
promising to leave little behind;
even as that person lives,
she grows further and further away into oblivion,
like some sort of anathema.

Buried below the rubble
is a positive feeling that is
emanated from encountering such a person -
and yet, despite the gauntlet of losing this person,
she is missed beyond words.

Despite the gauntlet of losing this person,
I will fight to hold onto this longing,
rather than submit to
the fatal wish of never having met her.”

That poem was rather melodramatic, but something about its writing strikes me – this feeling of total loss, crushing the author slowly but also quickly; as if the only egress was his writing, itself a grave bastion of instability and moroseness. The word ‘gauntlet’ reappearing, to me, signals that this challenge goes beyond ordinary feats and represents an ordeal that reframes, in part, one’s world. I blinked and look down;  regions of tear-stained pages had appeared, centered around the poem I had just read – did “Aria” reach out and grab my human soul? Even though the work seemed as sloppy as something thrown haphazardly together to fulfill a daily writing quota, my numbness had been breached. I would avoid something dramatic such as “the trauma running throughout my life had been utterly exposed” but I had been emotionally revealed for the first time in months. Art has this impressive ability to destroy us through bypassing the cracks in our armor. Without thinking, I had ended up lying on my back, eyes shut, and mind wandering – unable to pinpoint my troubles, I instead became fully submerged in them, as if I could not swim and was forced to drown lugubriously.

Review of Snow White with the Red Hair, As Represented by Episode 1

 

Figure 1. Depiction of Shirayuki (Snow White) from Snow White with the Red Hair. This image details her hair flowing as she runs down a hill, indicating the red hair as a strong emphasis. 

Let's start with the main character, Shirayuki - she is shown in Figure 1. Voiced by Saori Hayami, the character is expected of an awesome performance. And she did not disappoint here. Naturally, Shirayuki has gorgeous red hair (and lovely green eyes), which serves as both a literal and a metaphorical thread. In that sense, I enjoyed how this show could pull together seemingly minor details into a web of characterization. From the opening scene, we see Shirayuki as a vibrant, dynamic person who continuously demands our attention, though she seems a little obsessed with being meta and talking about stories. 

The aesthetics....are very obviously Disney-inspired. Especially the first scene (again) where we see hazy lighting and great amounts of lush green vegetation, mixed with that fluttery flute that seems to appear in a lot of Disney films. However, seeing Shirayuki jump out of the forest, reveals that energy and love for nature and the world that I would say characterizes some of the Disney princesses. In some ways, I would say it conjures up an image of Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Unlike Belle, Shirayuki is able to stand up to Prince Raj, delivering a slap (though there's still a difficult question of female agency going on here). So, in a sense, one could see her as a superior version. It is difficult to avoid doing some sort of feminist reading into Shirayuki - she's a herbalist, both identifying as a professional and engaging in true work that isn't house maintenance, who does not want to be tied down by other's wishes. To this end, she slices off a veritable half of her hair, even offering an apology to it. 

I feel that she also captures that "love of nature" that is so ostentatiously thrown about in Disney's Snow White - in short, an emphasis on birds flying and chirping. Thankfully, there were no musicals here. For the first time in forever, no singing in a Disney thing, right? Also, do you want to build a snowman? But instead, Shirayuki would rather make a potion. (I gotta say that Frozen is not an apt comparison at all because Shirayuki so obviously lives in a nice temperate forest area.)  In this sense, I can fully see this show as a  fairy tale, even as it makes efforts to break from formula - in many ways, it fails to elude detection as a fairy tail, even if some details may change. For example, Belle tries to demand the Beast release her father but ultimately is shown as incapable of using anything but seductive promise to help her father. Shirayuki is similarly forced to use this "seductive promise" to get Zen the antidote for the poisoning he had suffered. At the same time, I do not want to give the impression that this format is all bad - it provides exploration of themes, in particular those regarding nature, even if they are dogged by certain depictions of females. 

The music jumped out to me as being very fairy tale - lots of woodwind, and quite a bit of calm piano. Some very "sweet" and high-pitched sounding violin music as well, clearly jumping in that way. I was reminded of "Reminiscence" from the Chrono Cross OST and "A Tender Feeling" from the Sword Art Online OST. However, this show's music tends to consistently create an upbeat fantasy sound that is admittedly quite sugary - clearly, the composer favored the violin sound over a cello or an upright bass. Unfortunately, that can lead to the music seeming a bit sparse in terms of instrumentation - often there is not much in the way of layering or sound dynamics, but it gets the job done. I found it interesting that the music often would not speed up, even when there was some sort of imminent danger here. Chrono Cross OST and Sword Art Online OST, both of those would probably leap for something a bit more atonal, sinister, but not in this show.  It's that orchestral sound that sounds cringeworthy in Ash's "Candy" and Lana Del Rey's "Born To Die" but here it sounds fitting albeit a bit samey and simplistic. The music doesn't really add further character or depth to what happens - rather the music is there as a tourist itself.

One concern I have is that the show presents a high volume of information during the first episode - we meet several people, many of whom are established as important recurring characters. There are still many minor characters who appear at well. However, the story here is simple, so one can generally follow along. I believe that this concern should be allayed as the show wears on. This blemish doubly plays as a strength, allowing for one's interest to remain intimate. Another blemish that isn't totally a blemish is that soundtrack that does not seem to add much dimension to the music. I am also still not totally convinced that Shirayuki is as empowered as she should be; she is given chance for control, but her agency only stretches so far. Shirayuki feels so constrained by her circumstances, especially compared to the male characters.

Though I was rather critical in a few dimensions, and poked fun at the Disney resemblances everywhere, I rather enjoyed this episode - I could go as far as describing it as very good, or great even. Given the appropriate plot structure, sets of character interactions, input from music, and whatnot, this show could prove to be very satisfying. I believe that Shirayuki's decision at the end of Episode 1, that of joining Prince Zen and his band of doofuses, will grant her that chance at personal growth, even if that choice itself could be seen as weak in context. In spite of its flaws, this show will certainly be a blast to watch, as long as Bones retains impeccable control, and I can't wait for episode 2. 

Score: 85/100

The Rehashed Idea of a Music Pantheon, or My "Top" 100 Albums

Certainly, some may notice that I have already done this, and veritably 30ish of these artists/albums reappear from that list. However, I decided to add on some artists and albums in an effort to make a top 100 list of albums. Many artists are not here because I forgot or struggled to decide on their most moving work of art - so if something is not here, that is probably why. I have become rather out of touch with my favorite musics so this became an issue of memory, not simply judgment. By now means will this list never change - in fact, count on it. I could find a few new albums that totally deserve to be here over others. Maybe I'll realize Pan Sonic's Kesto really deserves to be on here. Maybe I'll one day realize that folk, hip hop, electronic (non-ambient), ska, etc exist too and it's not all just rock and metal music. Someday. Before I engage the same complaints, see this list, that purports to be my music pantheon, and judge me accordingly. (Easy on the tomatoes, though.)

Table 1. The albums tentatively included inside my music pantheon. Listed in no particular order. This list is a terrible attempt at representing my favorite albums, but it really just ended up being a representation of my music taste but with more artists on it.

Artist	Album
Asobi Seksu	Citrus
ClariS	Party Time
Brian Eno	On Land
Eluvium	Nightmare Ending
Harold Budd	Avalon Sutra
Brian Eno and Harold Budd	The Pearl
Asian Kung Fu Generation	Sol-Fa
Dead Can Dance	Within the Realm of a Dying Sun
Babymetal	Babymetal
Yo La Tengo	I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One
Do Make Say Think	Winter Hymn Country Hymn Secret Hymn
Gojira	From Mars to Sirius
Murray Perahia	Bach: Goldberg Variations
Deaf Center	Pale Ravine
Opeth	Still Life
The Pillows	Happy Bivouac
Kenta Nagata, Hajime Wakai, Toru Minegishi, and Koji Kondo	The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker OST
Akira Yamaoka	Silent Hill 2 OST
Blur	Think Tank
Howard Shore	The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings OST
Warpaint	Warpaint
Throwing Muses	Throwing Muses
Sonic Youth	EVOL
Neurosis	Live at Roadburn 2007
Deftones	Koi No Yokan
Mogwai	Come On Die Young
Slowdive	Souvlaki
Cormorant	Dwellings
Joy Division	Closer
My Dying Bride	The Dreadful Hours
Yndi Halda	Yndi Halda
Seattle Symphony Orchestra, John Luther Adams	Become Ocean
Seattle Symphony Orchestra	Symphony No. 9 in E Minor[1]
Travis	The Boy With No Name
Agalloch	Marrow of the Spirit
Shonen Knife	Let's Knife
Behemoth	The Satanist
Deafheaven	Sunbather
Clint Mansell	The Fountain
The Cure	The Head on the Door
Godspeed You! Black Emperor	Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven
NaS	Illmatic
Hole	Live Through This
Interpol	Turn on the Bright Lights
Isis	Panopticon
Joe Hisaishi	Spirited Away OST
John Williams	Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban OST
Katatonia	The Great Cold Distance
Koh Ohtani	Shadow of the Colossus OST
Laal	Umeed e Sahar
Lostprophets	Start Something
Luna	Bewitched
Low	I Could Live In Hope
Massive Attack	Mezzanine
Mazzy Star	So Tonight That I could See
The Melvins	Houdini
PJ Harvey	Dry
Pulp	Different Class
The Roots	Things Fall Apart
Russian Circles	Enter
Hiroyuki Sawano	Attack on Titan OST
Sigur Ros	Agaetis Byrjun
Siouxsie and the Banshees	Juju
Wipers	Youth of America
Wire	154
Wolves in the Throne Room	Two Hunters
Yuck	Yuck
Beck	Mutations
Belly	Star
Boris	Amplifier Worship
Nils Frahm	Screws
Dir en grey	Withering to Death
Cursive	Ugly Organ
Norma Jean	Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child
DJ Krush	Jaku
Menomena	Moms
DJ Okawari	Diorama
Mono	You Are There
Fountains of Wayne	Welcome Interstate Managers
Sigh	Graveward
Dodecahedron	Dodecahedron
Nachtmystium	Silencing Machine
Pallbearer	Foundations of Burden
Altar of Plagues	Teethed Glory and Injury
Mitsuko Uchida: Cleveland orchestra	Mozart: Piano Concertos #23 and #24
Explosions in the Sky	The Earth is not a Cold Dead Place
My Bloody Valentine	Isn't Anything
Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard	Batman Begins OST
Herbert Tachezi	Bach: Toccata & Fugue, Organ Works
Mahito Yokota	Super Mario Galaxy OST
*	Okami OST
Martin O'Donnell	Halo 3 ODST OST
Stone Temple Pilots	Tiny Music….
Jenny Lewis	The Voyager
Cocteau Twins	Garlands
The Jesus and Mary Chain	Psychocandy
Anathema	The Silent Enigma
New Order	Lowlife
Nirvana	In Utero
Radiohead	Amnesiac

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[1] This refers to Dvorak’s “From The New World”