Pictorial entries from an overdue return

In December, it is time to make like a mirror -- and reflect. Going over all of 2023 is a daunting task...so I will focus on the last four or so months. Why that specific time period? Well, I left my Ph.D. program towards the end of August, so it felt right.

In this post, there are more pictures, fewer words.  Here are a collection of paintings I made and photographs I took to commemorate the past quarter of the year.

December 14: painting

This piece is meant to be futuristic and "cyberpunk", but it's more strange colors. I mixed silver and red to create a 'metallic' red which is more of a pink actually.  The color is still really cool though.

November 29: painting

Underwater palace/building something or other -- there's sun octopus, a starfish ornament, and some seaweed. Not entirely sure what I was aiming for.

November 27: Painting

Top painting is a fictitious sky image where I used tape to help me paint in a more linear fashion. Bottom painting is a semi-fictionalized take on the November 10th photograph. Lots of white space, so I made up a purple tree to add some color. 

November 26: photograph

 

This is the last tree near me to start leaf-ing fall season.  (Hardy har har.)

November 23: photograph

Photo taken in Springbrook Park, a previously unexplored place for me.

November 23: photograph

For Thanksgiving, we decided to make something a little different. My mom had a craving and I wanted something unique. The Thai version of the dish is called Khao Soi, which is the name we used. I learned that we actually made the Burmese version called Ohn no khao swè (per Wikipedia). Either way, no matter what you call it, the dish consists of a chicken curry and a coconut curry mixed together. After two hours of preparation from four people, this dish was finished, and it was really good. On the other end of the spectrum, we made some mashed potatoes, so it was still a proper Thanksgiving meal.

November 19: photograph

Iron Mountain Park has two trails: an easy one, and a hard trail. Unfortunately, I missed the easy trail, but snapped this photo going back to the car. 

November 17: photograph

This festive and friendly fella is a llama plushie sitting at Andina. I trust this llama.

November 17: photograph

One might say this tree is a little *ahem* close to home. I love the excellent crimson hues of these leaves. Each year, this tree puts on a tremendous show. For some reason, the maple was rather green for much of 2023, but switched back to its usual stellar fall colors in time for the season.

November 15: photograph

Some people thought this was multiple trees; in actuality, one tree capturing the full majesty of November foliage. This tree is at the bottom of the hill where I live. 

November 10: photograph

 

Maybe I went too far with staging this photograph, but such lovely colors on display here. More or less near where November 6th photograph was.

 

November 6: photograph

 More fall foliage here. As it turns out, cherry blossoms (the tree closest to the shot) do not unleash a full-fledged red, but settle for a still vibrant orange.

November 5: photograph

Across the river -- a shot taken at Cook Park. 

October 25: soaps

The art place also allows you to make soaps. Here are some dinosaurs for no real reason at all.  

October 24: Photograph

A cool and misty overview of the town from a high point.

October 13: paintings

Simple inspirations here: top is sky, bottom are roses. I looked up how to paint roses online and managed decently. To my surprise, my mom really liked the roses.

October 1: photograph

This year, roses sure lasted a *long* time. I especially liked this rose's color. 

September 21: photograph

Some backyard sunflowers that finally sprouted weeks late. 

September 10: photograph

Took a trip to Forest Park with a friend and saw this wise sentinel wishing us good luck on the walk. 

September 5

Fields Bridge Park has a rather lovely view of the Tualatin River. 

September 2: painting

 

There was in fact a model for this painting. One of those plastic apples right in front of me. Surprisingly good considering I was not planning on doing art on this day. 

August 31: painting

A fictional maple tree with different colored leaves. 

August 29: painting

A humble attempt at portraying space. 

August 29: photograph

 This shot near sunset at the Rose Garden has a very mystical air to it.

August 24: photograph

They call us the Rose City, right? I would say that fits.

--

The past four months have been personally turbulent with my surprise return home. For that reason, I wanted to highlight some sights I witnessed and created. At the end of the year, that only feels right.

Thank you for joining me on this visual tour. Have a great rest of the year. Happy holidays!

Rolling with disability: Reflections on the manga Perfect World

Recently, I read the manga Perfect World by Rie Aruga. One might assume that this manga is personally relatable to me. And you’d be right! As a sometimes wheelchair user, I certainly relate to the many depictions of mobility limitation in the manga. A certain someone has been BUGGING ME to write about this subject because of my connection. There is also already an article describing the manga’s plot on Anime Feminist. Instead, I will talk more about the research performed by the mangaka as described in the afterwords. The manga really is something special to witness because of its devotion to illuminating disability.

Briefly, for those unfamiliar, the manga focuses on the wheelchair-using man Itsuki Ayukawa with spinal cord injury and able-bodied woman Tsugumi Kawana. They are reunited by working for the same company – Ayukawa already there as an architect, and Kawana joining as an interior designer. Through the series events, they pursue a romantic relationship while becoming involved in barrier-free design work as professionals.

Simply put, Aruga-sensei’s intensive research brings many aspects of life with disability into the forefront. I really enjoy this grounded approach for two reasons: 1) disability studies is more focused on real life than feminism and 2) this normalizes living outside of the norm. To draw Itsuki’s wheelchair, for example, she painstakingly studies how to draw a wheelchair from reference materials. Notably, Aruga-sensei works with a wheelchair-using architect from Aichi Prefecture to help develop the character of Ayukawa as a professional. Many other people contributed to this manga, which is another thing I love about this series. The mangaka interviewed caregivers, social workers, and people with mobility impairments. Even more unusual situations – such as the devastation of strong earthquakes – appear in the manga, which also came up in interviews.

This attention to detail comes out in very well framed art. Frustrations, hospitalizations, falls, and more are depicted beautifully but realistically. Some may see these depictions as “unflattering”, but I see them as critical portrayals. Life is not always perfect or clean, and many people see disability as a horror show. But it’s life, just like the rest of living beings. Sometimes the depictions do feel a little *too* on the nose yet it’s never from the art itself.  I’m glad that the manga goes for tough depictions instead of leaving things implied, indirect, invisible.

 Without going too deep into plot details, I especially enjoyed the story of Keigo and Kaede. There are many, many other cool examples but you should just read the manga yourself. In particular, Kaede has a prognosis of only several years to live – but they hold a dream of living in an accessible house together, complete with a restaurant inside. This plotline does such a nice job of decimating the idea that people with disabilities are owed less because they are ‘less able’. Truly a wonderful thematic throughline.

I most appreciated the sixth volume’s afterword where the mangaka talks about her mother passing away during the serialization of Perfect World. Aruga-sensei reveals that her mother acquired a degenerative brain condition in early childhood, giving her an intimate relationship with a chronic condition. She recounts losing friends, missing important milestones, and sometimes having a tough relationship with her mother. Despite these challenges, Aruga-sensei lovingly recounts supporting her mother all the way. In a way, though my condition is muscle-based, I relate to worrying about how I impact others through my disability. I feel a little lighter knowing that someone else worried about the same circumstances and even put them into a manga.

Thanks to a manga like Perfect World, we see all kinds of “normal” life beyond the able-bodied norm. Whether a character has a terminal condition, lacks a limb, or is paralyzed below the waist, they are all welcomed in this series. One small critique I have is that there are few characters *born* with a condition, which ignores how many people have disabilities from birth. The manga also sometimes struggles with balancing romantic plot with exploring disability – ultimately, though, the fact it shows the romantic lives of people with disabilities is still huge. Rather than worry about things Perfect World could have done better….I simply want even more insightful stories about disability. Please read this one.

2023 got a sequel somehow: 2024 Resolutions

 

1.     Advocacy

a.      Disability advocacy:

                                                    i.     Attend monthly MDA Advocacy webinars

                                                  ii.     Get involved in local accessibility efforts

b.     Seek other advocacy outreach opportunities

2.     Health

a.      Exercise: 10 minute walk 5x a week, yoga and leg stretches 2x a day

b.     Medical: Remain up to date on primary care, dentist, neurologist, cardiologist, and physical therapist

3.     Recreational

a.      Gaming

                                                    i.     Games: Omori, Ys (franchise), Amnesia, Hades, Portal 2, Knights of the Old Republic

                                                  ii.     VNs: Utawarerumono, World End Economica, Zero Time Dilemma, Umineko, Kindred Spirits on the Roof, ONE

b.     Watching

                                                    i.     Western

1.     Twilight Zone (1959)

                                                  ii.     Anime

1.     Complete two Precure including Hugtto

2.     Complete ZZ and Zeta Gundam

3.     Rewatch Natsume Book of Friends

4.     Complete Cardcaptor Sakura, Future Boy Conan, and Heidi of the Alps

5.     Watch at least 4 anime from the 80s and 90s

c.      Toastmasters

                                                    i.     Lead club to Select Distinguished Status

                                                  ii.     Prepare club for transition to next year’s officers

d.     Blogging

                                                    i.     Write 3 blog posts a year beyond year end retrospective

                                                  ii.      Draft an article for a website (resources permitting)

e.      Reading

                                                    i.     Complete ten manga

                                                  ii.     Read And Then There Were None, The Dispossessed, and one other book

4.     Languages

a.      Japanese

                                                    i.     Study N3 Japanese vocabulary and grammar

                                                  ii.     Watch two one-cour anime without subtitles

                                                iii.     Achieve basic conversational proficiency

b.     Urdu

                                                    i.     Memorize alphabet AND understand basic grammar

                                                  ii.     Achieve basic conversational proficiency

Out of Body, Into Mind: Updates on being a clinical research subject

 

Being on the other side with medical research is an eye-opening experience. I decided to participate in the research as a subject instead of simply seeing the results. Previously, in December 2022, I took part in a trial. This year, I was in two more: one in April (a new study) and one in December (the sequel to last year’s study). Geographic location is important here – because I left my Ph.D. program in Ohio in August. Naturally, the April study was in Ohio, and the December study was in Oregon.

Enrollment in a new study
On April 12^th, I participated in a database study on Muscular Dystrophy that also required a blood draw and the removal of a small amount of skin (skin biopsy). The consent form was generally straightforward since, you know, the risks of some procedures are obvious. Except for one part. That part asked for permission to create an immortalized cell line (from the skin). A professor I had worked with was also the doctor in this study. So at least I knew him beforehand! For some reason, the blood draw was tougher than normal – maybe because of the needle not creating enough of a vacuum to effectively suck up that eerily dark red liquid (blood).

Eventually, it worked out – but we chatted while the annoying part happened. The part I most fondly remember is our discussing famed director David Lynch with the doctor. Getting to talk about Mulholland Drive and Twin Peaks and also more obscure Lynch works. Not what usually happens to me. In the middle of this conversation, I gave my consent for the cell line – knowing that it would push research forward. This was also my chance to talk about the classic sitcom Cheers, which remains a surprisingly good topic for conversation.

This conversation offered distraction…from removing a piece of tissue from my inner left forearm. The area was cleaned, injected with a numbing agent, and then punched by a small metal device. After the sliver of skin was snipped, a surprising amount of blood came out. Moments later, the site was clean again and a bandage and gauze were applied. Even with everything, I still felt totally alert, and enjoyed the surprising conversations. Heading back, one of the staff told me that the doctor even played the trumpet on top of this work.  For my contribution to science, I even received a $10 Clin Card (essentially a debit card for clinical study participants).

Returning for the previous study
This past week, I returned to the imaging study. The study coordinator met me by the elevator and walked me to the research center conference room. Consent forms were remarkably similar to the previous December, but there were some logistical changes in the year since. Nothing shocking. Just enough to make me pay attention. The basic format had morphed into: MRI scanning, functional testing, and taking the muscle biopsy (removing half a gram of muscle from my thigh and lower leg). Day 1 covered MRI and functional testing, running around 7 hours total.

Lying in a magnetized tube again for the first time in a year. Same technician, same study, and same headphones over earplugs. Not the same: music being played over the headphones. I asked for classical music, which the technician joked might put me to sleep. Instead, the sound of “Aria” – Bach’s wonderful piano piece in the Goldberg Variations – came out immediately, perking up my attention. Volume was a little loud, so I asked them to adjust it. The pulsating and woodpecker sounds of the machine added an industrial feeling to the soundscape. Occasionally, there were pauses in the music, marked by the technician speaking into the headphones.

The machine scanned my calf and then my thigh. Unlike last time, the technician actually taped “fiducial” vitamin E tablets to my legs as part of the scanning process. (Apparently this appears brightly on MRI scans.) The thigh scan proved to be more involved for me, but I was given a blanket for that part. A common refrain: keep staying still; you’re doing great. Aria’s melody repeated occasionally as part of Bach’s Goldberg Variations. At some point, I was slid out and was readjusted for the whole body scans: the coil was placed on my chest, pelvis, and legs. After two and a half hours, I was pulled out for the final time. After, the MRI technician was tasked with my blood draw into two long tubes. I helped by pointing out the visible vein on my left biceps, which saved him the trouble of finding a suitable place. The thick needle caused some discomfort, but it was efficient.  

The remaining few hours were much more varied. I was first given some chicken, rice, and broccoli to eat before the functional tests. Unlike the 2022 study, the tasks were more oriented around daily activities and took around one hour total. Most of the tasks were easy for me, as someone with a milder condition. Stacking cans of cherries, picking up quarters one by one, pointing to numbers, and tearing paper. Balancing on tip toes was the toughest, though I survived to three seconds on both feet separately. We concluded with the usual 6-minute walk test, which tired me out. Lastly, I talked with the study coordinator about the administrative aspects. Unlike the previous year of the study, we took a few hours on MRI (versus 6) and I received a ClinCard (compared to cash). Of course, payment was a small reason for me to help.

2023 Study Day 2 lasted around 3 hrs compared to the 7 hrs of Day 1. Unlike yesterday, we started from a research section attached to the main hospital building.  The wait was longer – eerily so. Seeing the professor in charge of the study appear reassured me that nothing was wrong. Ten minutes later, I connected the dots. In the exam room, I saw two doctors – my neurologist and someone new to me – along with the study coordinator and one assistant. Clearly, an elaborate procedure was about to happen for a room of this size to hold 5 people and supplies beyond measure in the open. They had me lay out flat on the exam bed.

The new doctor – apparently a kind last-minute volunteer – led the procedure to make the muscle biopsy as smooth as possible. I got a skin biopsy in the previous clinical trial, which sort of prepared me. But it was not the same. This required a higher level of precision. They would take only a half gram of muscle, like enough for the tip of a pinky, but there MAY be cramping sensations.

Many steps were required for the biopsy. A sterile medical fabric was placed over my leg with two open spots (one on the thigh and one above my ankle) for the procedure. A manual razor was used to remove hair. Cleaning with iodine swabs turned my right leg orange in those shaved spots. The doctor prepared numbing agent in a syringe and added the needle. Unlike a needle injection elsewhere, the leg is tougher…calling for a higher gauge (thicker) needle (gauge 25 I heard). Slowly, the needle proceeded into my leg to the first layer of muscle, which has a higher resistance than skin and fat. A surreal sharp sensation. During this procedure, I talked with the people in the room to keep my mind off the strange feeling.

Almost as a joke, the doctor asked if I wanted to *see* the biopsy device. Not everyone wants to see it, they tell me, but I confidently said yes. A blue device long like a dental tool with a blue light, needle and spinning metal jaw. From my vantage, only the sensation was “visible.” (After all, lying down on my back.) I had to move my hands off my chest, relax my hands, and try to settle down.

A pulse of spinning and my leg immediately felt a localized spasm. For those not familiar, a spasm feels like a fast twitch that rapidly tightens – amounting to a dull throb. Two more times and we were half done, with the spasms feeling tougher to bear. The wound was wiped down and received water from a syringe for proper cleaning followed by a steri-strip (a strip to pull the skin together for better healing), a bandage, and a see-through plastic. Blue for the top site, and yellow for the bottom site. Then pressure was applied to halt bleeding and stop any bruising. With the first collection from my leg (tibialis anterior), I somehow felt no spasm. …That feeling quickly collapsed when the second and third times brought spasms that tempted me to curl a little. I kept flat on my back, feeling ache stretching across my body. Same process as for the other site. Except the lower leg was a bit more swollen, requiring more pressure. Ice packs were applied to both sites and wrapped in adhesive bandage. By this point, my right leg ached as if I had walked a long distance or stretched for ages. We had made it to the end. I thanked the new doctor, the neurologist, and the study coordinator – they stepped out while the assistant watched over me for 15 minutes. We chatted while I rested up and got back on my feet. Walking on my leg felt sore galore, but at least I had someone to talk to. My ride home arrived, , bringing a long episode to an end.

In three days time, the wound dressing should fall off in the shower. All goes well, the healing will be mostly complete, and the pain gone. No matter the current ache, I feel satisfied to help push forward research for people with more severe conditions than me.