For Some Reason, I Woke Up: Half Two

Please see Half One here.
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The children circled around an empty chair, the scattered flowers still in place. A cloud of gloom hung over them, but nobody could break the silence. The girl who had asked for lessons, Aki-sama, picked up the unattended glasses and announced she would get to the bottom of this mystery.

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^

I may have overreacted. I grabbed Saki's sword and threw it.

Yes, I said we should become friends! But her shadow looked scary! ;_____;

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*

"Wh-what?" I cried out, as I ducked. My eyes perceived a sharp object zooming over my shoulder. It was far clearer than it should have been.

But no glasses sat on the bridge of my nose. I prodded myself until a voice interrupted.

"Apologize, Mao" said Saki sternly, holding a blonde girl who looked vaguely Japanese captive.

"Waahhh, I'm sorry! Uguu~~" cried out this Mao person.

I'm not sure why Saki was there. But it was strange to hear her so stern. Nevertheless I made certain to hug her. Even if this might be a dream, it's the best course of action.

And...somehow….Saki made glasses appear for me. What is this world? These are immaculate. Surely I can see again.

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#

The children's gasp stretched out across the room.


Aki, the master detective who had decreed her pre-ordained victory, had disappeared.

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Where am I? Who am I? Is this Wonderland?

Is this the mystery!?

I'm on big sister Sora's back. Well that was an easy mystery!

Wait.....a new mystery has appeared. I need to go poo!

But where? Where? There's so many trees but not poop places.

Oh....big sister Sora is taking me to the bathroom.

More trees...don't want to see them ever again. Hmph.

And we arrived at a hospital. It was another mystery to solve.

Big sister Saki and big sister Blonde took up the roles of lead detectives for this mystery. I, Aki-sama, would allow it this time.

But big sister Saki walked funny. She seemed to know the way so I will follow!

Ahh. Poop. I was done. Another mystery solved.

Big sister Blonde asked how it was. It was good. Good.

We went back to the forest. Ugh trees again! Sick of them!

But pretty floating lights are good I guess.

I point towards the sky and motion to big sister Sora. The other big sisters followed my finger.

Ohhh! A rainbow is in the sky! It's in front of us. Does it want to play? Or perhaps poop?

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The children were still in a state of shock at Aki's disappearance.

"Where is she" they asked in unison. (Well, the half that was paying attention.)

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^

Awww, well that sight is rather cute. The sight of Aki-chan snuggly sitting on Sora, wearing a haughty smile. Seeing that, maybe things will work out.

I, Mao, must accept my own power. Yes, yes! I nod enthusiastically.

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We found ourselves on the second floor of a grand palace, lit sublimely by torches bearing blue flames.

The rainbow staircase that led us into the sky was far behind.

There appeared to be four chambers shooting off from the room. In the cardinal directions.

Mao surveyed the room with uncharacteristic caution. Sora was glancing downwards. But a sense of panic arose when I could not see Aki.

Did she disappear ahead? Well it's not like we need her. Hmph.

Then I saw her, squatting in the center of the room.  A pedestal inscribed with some text drawing her rapt attention. Aki's mouth was open in an "O" shape. Far quieter than a five year old should be.

I waited half a moment for her to speak.

"What does this mean?" Aki asked with a posed look, her head gazing sideways.

"Can't you read?" I asked back, hiding my laughter.

"Aki-sama can read! Just not something like this! She pouted.

After giving her a condescending head pat, I step forward.

...she was right. Welp.

The tablet was faded, hard to read. But it seemed to say--

"A way home? How exciting! Just a few chambers to pass through. Let's leave this world for good," exclaimed Mao. She leaned in closely to me. Maybe a little too close.

"Didn't we come here for a second chance?" I asked sharply.

"And that is a kind of second chance!" Mao pointed out.

"At least, the other two should..." I whispered.

Mao frowned a little as she nodded.

"You! Tell Aki-sama the mystery!" A certain child was pouting again.

Mao bent forward, hands on knees, and explained quietly with a kind smile.

"We all get to solve mysteries!? Hurray!"

Aki smiled as she ran towards the north entrance.

We came up with a tacit agreement to each pick a chamber. With the hope that we would meet up again.

Sora went south. Mao went east. That left me with West.


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Now here's a mystery!

This seems like a scary cave. But I'm a big girl who can solve any problem.

I'm not scared. Not at all?

Going through the cave. There's no monsters yet.

But it sure is dark.

Then little green lights led me to the mystery! I will get to the bottom of this.

Ouch! I tripped but the lights waited.

A purple mist was pretty. I walked through it. I felt frowny...this was a hard mystery.

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^
Settle down there, horsey!

This magnificent mahogany stallion carried me swiftly alongside what looked like European ruins. Broken columns and the like.

A branch nearly grabbed my hair, were it not for my reflexes. I exited the ducked position and sat upright properly. Feel free to imagine a parasol covering my hair, if you will.

The wind across my face made my heart race. I wrote the phone novel to feel alive. But.. this somehow beats it.

Ground gave way to rocks, above the ground and far from uniform. The horse slowed down at my urging and we carefully negotiated the area. Ugh...this is gonna make me sick won't it.

Giddy up, horsey! We are onto level ground again. More wind. Exhilarating!

Something strange happened. An object zooms closer and closer. The horse neighs as instinct begs me to drop deeply into the saddle . The cannonball whizzed over my head. And more were on the way.

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*
My hair streamed upwards as I plummeted...towards certain doom? Or maybe it's closer to the end of a rainbow.

For ages I've fallen...at least half an hour by any reasonable estimate. Even more miraculously, my glasses remained on the bridge of my nose.

Still I fell down an earthy abyss, whose edges were riddled with tunnels. Ones large enough for a human child, but not an adult. Dim light streamed down even at this depth.

Flowers the color of wet mud dotted the entrances to these tunnels, speckled with green grass.

This air was earthy but fresh and lightly humid, as if it was filtered. But alas...that didn't make the wind less irritating. Could gravity make up its mind? Seriously.

Blood rushed to my cheeks, trying to warm them. If I make it back, I suppose there's no longer a need for that sky diving certificate. Maybe helping children is a way more action packed profession than I thought.

And that was part of my current predicament...

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Mud everywhere.

Dirt flowers in my hair.

Me in the air!

I fell from the tunnel into the hole...

Big sister Sora had grabbed me. I was safe.

Now it was an adventure!

The ground wasn't being nice. It kept moving away! Grah!

Play nice for Aki-sama!

I made a frown, so big sister Sora smiled at me.

My eyes went to bed. Zzzzz…

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^
I wanted to see the world as it was, like with my phone novel but more clairvoyant. To understand my position in this odd place. Why did I wake up?

Right now, I was bright red. Like a star! And like a star, I was in the sky...then I looked down. My horse and I plummeted downwards.

This is scary! I hurriedly close my eyes but still feel the sensation of air molecule resistance.

Some level ground this is! Really!

My eyes watered up, the air insulting them fiercely.
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 A mat of vegetation. I was entangled, which frustrated my half awake self. All these damn vines.

This place was so different from the chamber I had entered. Then I remembered falling through the floor.

Maybe that's why my head hurt. ...And my heart still raced. So much for it desisting in this world. Maybe I'm like this because this is a real afterlife.

If so...

I kept walking, struggling to avoid thick tangles.

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*

Our hair flapped upwards, as I held a sleeping Aki in my arms. But still we fell, like we were going into the depths of the planet.

Would this ever finish? Ever?

What kind of padding could stop our fall now? Is this it?

A gust of wind buffeted us from below. Losing consciousness, I vaguely understood that we were slowing down. Somewhere above an island.

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%

We landed!

Ohhhh! I swallow a bunch of air. Tastes weird. The water around us looks funny.

Shock! Big sister Blonde pets me. And big sister Sora was watching and laughing.

Geh! They saw Aki-sama frown!

This place was scary...and I want to go home but Aki-sama must protect everyone!

I will defeat this mystery.

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By this point, mud was glued to my feet, hiding my natural complexion. I shivered as my dress felt unbearably heavy, hobbling along a wet cave. Drops kept falling from the ceiling, as brown overwhelmed the senses.

Exiting led to a crescent shaped shore inundated with the flow of green water. Emerald towards me but a sludgy green split off towards the center of the room. A landmass sat separated by these two water layers, and the embankment I found myself on.

Something seemed out of place among oak trees and mud: a mat of blonde hair, twigs attached.

As if in response, Mao glared at me -- "so I'm the token blonde here, huh?"

For some reason, the other two had wandered to the other side, beyond my eyesight.

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^
The red flames of my master surrounded me again! My steed had since evaporated, blown into the wind. And I would be alone if not for Aki and Sora. Oh fate, let me not endure this!

Shouting telepathically at Saki, across the water, I reunited with my identity as a blonde Japanese girl.

"What took you so long? I asked, staring at my feet.

"Just a little fall." She responded.

"Just? Your head is bloodied on the side. You might be dying!"

"Well my heart is killing me."

"Can't you wish that away?"

"You seem to have figured it out...we can wish things here. But not the exact way expected. My heart pain followed me here, but subdued. So leaving..."

"See the red around me? I've wished to understand what I can do here...to make up for  dying early. It took this long...but it came in the form of a vision."

"Vision...? I don't like the sound of that...it tears  me up a bit. But go ahead."

I stepped closer to the dirty water, standing on rocks being abraded. I took a deep breath.

And: "Under our feet, the ground gives way, rocks colliding with a lower sanctum. Brilliant red light, sparkling in intervals of seconds, covers Sora and Aki, who are becoming fainter.  Their heads are last to vanish, leaving us with parting words. And we watch, collapsed 50 meters below, and let them go."

Saki stared at my feet and ankles, which had become pitch black from the water. As if suffering a violent burn. But as time wore on, as I delivered another statement, they recovered miraculously. The pain disappeared.

"And of course, Aki tells me what a great Big Sister I am!"

"In your dreams. Aki-sama would never do that! " announced the queen of energy herself, flanked by Sora.

And Saki fell silent, her eyes angled upwards at the ceiling.

Moving against half-hearted protests, I pat Aki on the head. Then she surprises me with a tight hug. In typical fashion, she denies missing me.

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*

I stared in wonder as Mao was not harmed by the water. Saki, after a difficult walk through knee-high water across sunken pebbles, made it over here too. Her dress was partially eaten, but her legs went from black to healthy. They healed almost immediately. The sticks and branches Aki and I had thrown in were swiftly dismantled, floating away as fragments. But leaves could not even be observed. How could these two be okay?

How?

Saki explained to us some of what happened. It seemed incomplete but we learned that some water in the room was safe, marked by a pristine emerald color.

My central hypothesis is pH differences because of microorganisms! And I think Aki agreed. Not that either of us are hydrologists....

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%

Mogumogu. Big sisters Saki and Blonde seem ok but why? The sticks weren't...

I threw a rock in and it died too!

Did they die too? Are Big sisters Saki and Blonde ghosts?

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*

I grabbed Aki's hand and followed the bend. And there I noticed that the water color changed as a function of position, like Saki had said.

Fufufu, I understand.

Mao and Saki carried across us via piggyback and it is no problem. Then they trip and we all die. But what if something important is underwater...

...I can see why that may not be the solution. What with the water of death.

Aki shouted, fear in her voice, "it's getting closer!"

And all of us hugged the ring of trees at the peak of the island, trying to evade the mysteriously rising tide, as moonlight shone softly.

Our heads turned sharply. A person arced downwards, heading for a skillful dive. Her voluminous hair briefly shone underwater like a spark of lightning.

And Saki stood next to me, as shocked. (Even here, she couldnt manage her condition here.) Aki made her surprise audible with fingers pointed.

The water...was no longer knee deep. And the hair at the surface had disappeared to the greater volume. The seconds passed by, each an eternity that promised us despair. Maybe we were still processing the shock that it would be her. Saki was the likely candidate to be our hero here, as she glued us together.

Are we all heroes in some capacity? Bitterly, I wonder if we lost one.

I hope I'm overreacting.

And Mao had died a hero's end.

Ha, I'm a fool.

A rusty iron switch, depressed but looking beyond disrepair, was in plain sight. And the water was gone. And I was princess carrying Mao, her hair sopping wet. And she was left in a white night gown, the acid having eaten away  her dress worn on top.

(I suppose the power of her wishes allowed us to forgo the cliched fanservice scene.)

She smiled and closed her eyes. My cheeks pulsed red as I understood -- she was braver than I.

And her eyes never opened again. Okay, that was a lie. But she felt oddly light in my arms. Almost as if she was a ghost.

Saki breathed deeply.

Aki asked quietly, "Will Big Sister Mao be okay?" Her head hung low as she petted Mao's head.

Keep this a secret, but I knew she was awake.

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^

I might have pretended to be asleep...maybe I can go with them.

Sora carried me across the now accessible back of the room, away from the Island. Saki and Aki were with us. A staircase led upstairs. My eyes opened briefly from time to time.

But actually she carried me very gently.

As I am covered in red, a crimson portal appears before us. Guess it was time.

So that's how the cruel event happened. The ground began cracking and even capable Sora lost her grip. She shouted at me for continuing to play asleep -- the one time she got mad.

Saki had somehow fallen down as well, which made sense as she was behind me. Maybe the living two, Sora and Aki, realized what we were.

But no matter, we had fallen, like I had foreseen. Maybe our forecasting of the moment led us here.

Sora and Aki waved goodbye as the portal, the one I had conjured, disintegrated steadily. Aki shouted, "Aki-sama loves Big Sisters Saki and Mao!" And she uncharacteristically fought back tears.

And Sora said she was mad at them for leaving her, "but I'll forgive you. And we will live on in your place."

Saki muttered, "live for yourself, idiot."

"Did you tell me to live for myself? Me and Aki can't just do that," Sora teased before offering a tearful goodbye alongside Aki. They slipped into the portal and vanished from here, into the world they belonged in.

Our magic had delivered them...

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For so long, I've been dreading... I hope they really live for themselves. That which I've been trying to do since being diagnosed. Like Mao and her novel.

I hugged Mao tightly. She looked at me with widened eyes before relaxing. Emotions are usually far from me...but I wanted to show my gratitude.

This new life was more than I had expected. And I couldn't -- wouldn't -- summon living people here anymore.

Sitting in the hospital I woke up in, but with Mao sitting in a chair, I pointed out the switch she had pressed back there.

Tilting her head, Mao suggested that other humans lived here. Along her dive she had seen other artifacts like shovels...so they were not alone.


We could search this world, this now opened world, together. Beyond the trees, there were others. I wished that Aki and Sora would be fine. But we could keep living this bittersweet gift.

And here this hospital connected me to the world Mao and I had left behind.
But we would forge our own path.

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#
The children, still around the desk, tugged at Aki and Sora who were in a sorry state indeed with tattered clothes.  But the ikebana was still there. They got cheers from the quarter of the class, mostly little girls, who still paid attention. And they were very much alive .

For Some Reason, I Woke Up: Half One

Sunlight streams in through the plain white curtains. Under this glow, I rested in a hospital gown.

Books strewn across the bed. Being a sickly girl -- My heart thudded at the thought -- books were the best of friends to me.

Books like My Youth Romantic Comedy Turned Out Wrong As Expected, manga like Yona of the Dawn and Magic Knight Rayearth.

The romantic comedy definitely turned out wrong. But that assumes it was possible at all. I tell myself it was never a goal at all.

Like Hachiman, even I have a handful of friends. A basket full of Belgian chocolate sat next to me, a pink ribbon tied around the handle. And a violently pink handwritten note, adorned with my name, :)s, and  <3s. On the back a sketch of Yukino Yukinoshita. (She is a fan of the other characters, but especially Yukino.)

A red velvet cake, partially eaten, was by the basket, in a white box. From my parents, who had visited the day before.

My condition is not particularly stable. It's been three months since I was last in school. For a 15 year old girl, that is death itself. Well, except for the other kind.

Stepping up briefly, I brushed my black, straight hair, intently untangling the layers. It provides a moderate solace, akin to applying makeup. Not that I got much experience with that in a hospital. Sank into the bed faster than expected. With difficulty, I sat up.

Gloomy thoughts still floated, taunting the sunlight. The heart palpitations were...annoying to say the least. I wondered how a noble soul like Yona would tackle this situation.

A knock at the door. And without any wait, it opened. An attending resident, clad in a white coat, holding a manual wheelchair. It was fully opened. Taking a seat, shaking slightly, I lowered myself -- Saki being my name -- and placed my feet on the rests. My posture assumed an upright position. My lap held the most recent compendium of Hachiman wisdom.

Today was a checkup, and we were headed up. That was a lie. Sorry.

A heart monitor on my wrist gathered all the data necessary.

This was a personal favor. Taking me for a whiff of fresh air, at the miniature garden on the hospital roof.

The elevator was decades too slow. It eventually arrived, taking me to my destination.

With his help, I transferred to a chair, and took in the fragrance of roses.

Then we discussed small things. Such as mortality and life goals. I suspected he brought me here to stave off my existential angst. Little did he know, it was working. Not that I mentioned it. Even he appeared troubled, a hint of a frown to any mention of my heart troubles.

It wasn't simply pity, but dangerously close.

"What can I even do? I'm just a girl in a wheelchair, too sick to go to school," I complained to my violently pink friend via text message.

"Have you seen Yuuki Yuna Is A Hero? A girl in a wheelchair not unlike you saves the world! I think of you as an elite magical girl, protecting us all!!!!"

"Maybe...you're right." I said.

"Of course I am! Magical Girl Saki has a nice ring to it anyways. And it means you can't die!"

That was when I blacked out. When I woke up, I realized I had become a girl. Wait, I already was one.

I woke up to the hospital room. But I was blanketed in darkness. The heart palpitations were still there, but slightly milder. Didn't feel like I was gasping for breath. The gifts were gone. Outside, I saw a floating lantern, casting dim light on the ground.

Still clad in a hospital gown, I opened the window and slipped outside. Dirt abraded my bare feet as I continued. This was probably as annoying as the heart palpitations.

But my room wasn't on the ground floor. This was incredibly weird.

 Maybe I was teleported into another world, like a rising shield hero. Ha. As if. It was a preposterous notion: getting a chance to make my imprint on the world.

So was I dead? But it wasn't even a pickup truck. It was heart failure, I guess! The most boring death, but at least it's no cliche!

Not gonna lie. Tears did start to form in my eyes. I'm not that immune to being alone. I won't make another snark.

 Could I at least have a pretty dress? While I'm chasing this green lantern across a mysterious  forest. Ahh! It won't stop! It's been ten minutes. I would have to sit if this went on any longer.

But it wasn't really a lantern. The light was too small.

Suddenly, that "lantern" joined a stream of brilliant green, twisting and twirling like a serpent of the sky. My neck muscles protested, as I gazed upwards for the first time in forever. The fireflies, as if they realized how imminently Japanese they were, performed a glorious light show in the woods.

Maybe supernatural beings were nearby. Certainly this was a beautiful scene. My tears had quietly dried.

But I stumbled, barely catching myself before falling. Heart pounding like it had in my other life, just short of it really. I sat on a tree root protruding from the ground. Catching my breath, I ran my fingers through my hair.

I suppose it was not that different. But right now, that odd urge to attend school returned. It festered as I made my way back to the hospital  room. Making my way through the window. I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to the same bare hospital room. The only difference was the sun. So it couldn't be a dream. The only logical conclusion.

Despair threatened to set in again. Across my bed was a scattering of cherry blossoms. Thankfully, I was spared that cliche. Brrr. I rubbed my arms to try to feel warm. The hospital gown sported tears across my stomach and shoulders. I shivered.

The pretty dress would come in handy.

Opening my eyes, I realised something covered me. A red rose sat perched over my forehead, a maroon dress covering my torso and legs to the knees. My hair had fallen back and assembled into a bun. (And beneath was underwear.)

There was no mirror, but i could tell my circumstances had changed. Maybe there is not a way back...but I want to assume there is a reason I woke. It may not be grand. In fact, it would go against the wisdom of Hachiman to hope for a life changing event. Even just progress itself may be enough.

I returned to the site of the fireflies. In morning chill, it scarcely stood out beyond being a set of trees. But it occurred to me: I had found where i had watched them.

A path crept away from the root I had sat on. Too subtle to notice at night but clear here.

The trees supported me as I followed it, leading to a tunnel.

Briefly it was pitch black. Then i saw a sky blue light up the path around me. Even Hachiman's fish eyes would brighten up in wonder.

Maybe that's the strength of a fantasy tale. That sense of wonder.

But my friend's childish love of pink still was missing from this land. It was funny, for her name was Sora.

My footsteps grew more timid. Scanning the cave, I noticed how linear it was. Pointing beyond my understanding.

Perhaps it is obvious. But why did I wake up? To live anew? Or to continue my past life?

My walking became rhythmic. And my thoughts returned to Sora.

It was a few years ago, during my most consistent spell at school. No, not towards the beginning of it. Soon before I returned to the hospital, even.

I had fallen on my back, slowly rising as consciousness returns. My heart sharply protested my movement. Sitting up was a challenge, even trying to get off the floor in the middle of the hallway. My fellow students just stared, which was what I expected.

But Sora, a girl with long dark brown hair, with glasses, who looked so very quiet, lifted me up onto her back and carried me to the nurse's office with a broad smile. She gave me her phone number and waited until I was ready to go home. Before I left, Sora tightly and unexpectedly hugged me. She implored that I keep in contact.

Sora was a quiet person normally, and not even in my class. It was a stroke of fate I suppose. But it was an important moment in my previous life.

Thud! My foot hit a rock, bringing me into the moment and onto the floor. Taking my clumsiness as a sign of overexertion, I sat down.

Continuing on, the tunnel broadened out. I coughed, for the air became full of fantasy and ash. In front of me, a blade with a thin red handle, held upright within a pedestal. Just before it, the blue light ended. With some effort, it was secured.

My heart reminded me to sit down. I gently tested the sword, pleased by its lightness.

I bet Sora would be pleased. Ever since she visited me at the hospital, shortly after we became friends, Sora impressed me. With her strength, and with her nerdy interests.

Sometimes, it was her sitting with me in the rooftop garden. Sora taking my books and narrating them in a goofy voice, occasionally prodding me. That was how she discovered Yukino.

That cruel twinge of nostalgia hit me fiercely. I swear something is just in my eye.

With red eyes, I made my way out, past the pedestal. Before I knew it, a purple being, a wisp of smoke, had materialized. It stood in my way.

The...first fight scene? Maybe I rescind my desire for a pretty dress.

The sword whizzed through the air, intent to strike down its foe. But I had badly missed, my attack light years away. The shadowy being rushed in, and almost landed a blow. My awkward movements, a casualty of the dress, aided me in escape.

But I fell onto the ground. The impact was fierce.

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*
I made my way towards Saki's room, after getting instructions from a nurse, with a bouquet of sunflowers. With my free hands, I pushed up my glasses. Today my nose was slippery with sweat. And her parents walked just behind me.

It was not to be so joyous. Saki had her eyes shut, and was hooked up to machinery. Cords running across and into her. The attending staff asked us to wait outside.

Rather than worry in the sterile icebox that is a hospital,  I led them to the rooftop garden. The one Saki had told me about years ago. (I was reminded recently.)

A book sat on the floor, near the garden. Its pages were ruffled from being dropped while open. I recognized it, though. It was My Youth Romantic Comedy Turned Out Wrong As expected, home of the great Yukinon.

So Saki must have...this situation. I… hate it. What happens now?

Her parents seemed lost in thought, both silently gazing at the garden.

I did what little I could and picked up Saki's book.

By this point...a nurse had come to bring us to Saki.

The monitors suggested she had stabilized. The cords were finally mostly put away.

 I slipped the book into her hand, my own hand quivering.

Something was amiss.

I thanked my glasses for hiding the true condition of my eyes. But they seemed to slip again,  this time urged...by something other than sweat.

For they had declared Saki dead from heart failure. The stabilization was...

And behind me, I became aware of her parents walking forward. We grasped Saki's lifeless palms, still scarcely retaining body heat, and came to terms with reality.


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Evading a downward thrust, I made a dash for the exit. My blade pointed towards the being,  but that was hardly a deterrent.

I valiantly sweeped it with an acute angled kick and a vicious stab.

That didn't really happen. Instead, I stumbled through the narrowing of the tunnel, and prayed the being did not follow.

Is this what protagonists were supposed to do?

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*
It's been two months since Saki passed. Sitting in my bookshelf are the books she left behind in the hospital. A last reminder of her...at least a physical one. For that reason, they sat neatly on a piece of velvety fabric.

This made me tear up.

Grief is supposed to start with denial, but to me it's stayed a mix of depression and acceptance.

But if anything, now is the time to live for her. Become that cheerful persona I carried for a long time.

---------------------

The tunnel rumbled. A column of dust landed on me, prompting a hearty cough.

Was it still behind me?

I felt a presence disappear in response to the shaking.

 Gasping for breath. Blood catapulting through my arteries. Collapsed onto my knees. Shut my eyes.

Woke up feeling groggy, but definitely alive. Stumbled out, eventually being buffeted by a stream of sunlight. I felt blinded, as my eyes adjusted.

In my hurry, I had left the tunnel at a different place. A river flowed mere feet from the entrance, bathing me in mist. Whatever. It sure beat that dust.

I sat on a rock overlooking it, grateful for the chance to reflect on my situation.

Maybe my wishes have power in this world. The dress, the sword, and escaping the foe all probably related to my conscious desires in some way. So maybe...I could wish for Sora, my violently pink friend. Maybe?

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*
Little hands grabbed at mine with great energy. Wearing a blue apron over my usual garb, I was accompanied by young girls.

Fingerpaint clung to my hair, holding it in clumps.

But my apron remained clean.

That sounds shady, right?

Well not to fear! I'm volunteering at a preschool.

I was pestered with questions as I put toys away.  What's it like being old being the toughest one, probably.

But still, a smile stretched widely on my face, even as I herded my sheep to get their things. Was I the dog or the shepherd?

At any rate, Saki would want this. I can move towards that idealistic self image of mine. The one she saw.

Bending down, I gave one of my charges an exuberant high-five. She went home with her mom, smiling brightly. This job was a good idea, after all.

I waved at the remaining kids. They waved back. Well, some did. Those who hadn't lost interest.

The night fell as it always did. Under the moonlight, I frowned. Because my head was low, I almost walked into a pole.

This wasn't to say, I had moved on. I was still accepting what had happening. But tomorrow was another day.

Sleep came easily, somehow.

My newest hobby was now on display on the table for the children. A delicate, circular arrangement of purple flowers drew the attention of the girls, crowding by the end of the table.

Ikebana, the art of floral arrangement.

Of course, I was an amateur.

One of them, with especially large eyes and brown hair to her lower back, insisted I teach her. So I did.


She presumptuously called herself Aki-sama.

This wasn't exactly the lesson I was in charge of. But I figured a detour would be fine.

I herded them to their seats in time for the real lesson. My eyes glazed over, as much as I wanted to listen. This had been true for the past few weeks.

Still, in the midst of boredom, I felt a tiny smile on my face.

Maybe this work isn't that for me....But It's been something to keep me going outside of school.

There felt like a tug at my sleeve. But nobody was by me. How strange…

-------------
Readying my sword, I tried to slash the tree in the same place. But the scratches seemed to drift rightward over time.

This was hardly going well. Though the deviations decreased over time.

A memory was flashing across my mind. The first encounter with Sora, where she had saved me from that embarrassment. My head fell onto the tree, my flexed arm resting above it.

Ouch!

Well, does this world even need saving or is that just me? This place seems desolate of humans.

So so empty, I shouted in my head and kicked up leaves.

Then I heard a rustling of leaves, and a girl in similar dress stumbled out.

"Uwaahhh" she shouted in a cutesy way as I caught her.

"Wh-who are you?" I stammered. "I'm Saki..."

"My name is Mao! How do you...do? ...wahh...I'm sorry for spying on you!"

Surveying her dirty blonde hair, I asked, "Your name is Mao, huh?"

"I'm half Japanese...." Mao told me coyly.

Because I was still holding her in my arms (unwittingly), I noticed her eyes. She seemed to be telling the truth.

"Mao, are from this world? Or...?"
"I told you I'm Japanese! Buuuu. I arrived here just a few moments ago, noticed you, and here we are."

I finally helped her to her feet, angling her body towards the ground. She then stood up straight, like a true lady. Hands properly by her side.

"So how did you die? I...succumbed to heart failure..."
"Hmm...it's not completely clear. I recall standing on the pavement in front of a cafe. A brief glance at my phone to type a sentence for my phone novel. Then my body fell onto the ground. Here it gets fuzzy...but it may have been an overturned pickup truck. My vision grew blurry and I passed on from shock moments prior."
"So a more dramatic death huh?"
"But you died of heartbreak! Living the great romance with a handsome prince...until it was no more."

I pushed my feet together and responded. "No, no, no. Nothing like that. I died of heart failure from my congenital condition."

Having said that, I needed to sit down, heart resonating with my words.

"Hmmm... I will heal your heart right away! Pain pain go away!" Mao said gleefully before hugging Saki.

--------------
^
Uwah! This world is like a magical forest. A place where certainly you could camp out and have fireflies around.

When I was alive, I was too afraid to pursue nature much. Always more of an indoor cat.

Hoho...I can peer down this mighty hill, the shy sun hiding from me behind clouds. Hard to believe it has only been a day.

Saki went to gather food from the river to our South. I can't wait to gut some fish. Perhaps dying was far from the worst thing.

I'm some kind of fantasy hero now!

But...the breeze did nip at me, unprotected at the top of the hill. Hopefully Saki would be back.

-------------
A kitchen knife materialized in my hand. Again the power of wish seemed powerful here. At least, some wishes would be fulfilled. Even more mysterious, my condition improving modestly...

Strange how after being here three or four days hunger only struck now.

This was only from theory, but I knew what to do. Stabbing into the salmon belly, I carved out its innards and materialized a pan for cooking over a bright flame.

The sun began to fall, so Mao sat closely. Surprisingly, we ate in silence, with serious expressions.

We thought about different things. For her, I wasn't sure. But for me...I wondered if my wish to see Sora could materialize her. But...surely this world has its limits.

I...want to see her.
-----------
^
A hike with fireflies would be neat. As long as it's not a grave of fireflies.

But during our separate adventures, the area appeared to repeat. A forest, a cave, a river, a hospital. The area turned out to be a couple square kilometers or so.

And certain markings, like Saki practicing wordplay on a tree, began repeating with a dizzying frequency. It makes my head spin!

Maybe....there is one more person who should arrive. That would be cool!

That thought came about as I ate delicious fish, downing it in minutes.

A third humanoid shadow appeared by the campfire. I hope we can be friends!

Please read Half Two after this,

Scotland's Mystical Capital, Edinburgh: A Travelogue

For two days this month, I spent time in awe of the historic city of Edinburgh, where even modern buildings share aesthetic with older ones. We drove into the city by car from Leeds, which entailed a four hours journey to the north. A cool breeze, and clouds, accompanied the expansive green before us. Indeed, on the way to Edinburgh, we noticed thick pastures of grass, even moreso than what we've seen in Portland. There were also cobblestone roads, and seagull hordes -- a less exciting but perhaps inevitable part of our trip. This would certainly be a memorable experience.

Tourists, especially my mom, enjoy visiting historical sites. This is natural given how much more ancient Edinburgh is compared to Portland. A minor problem arose: by the time we were settled into our place of stay, a nice apartment, it was already 3:30. Sites would close soon.

In our haste, we traveled to the Scottish Parliament, a neatly laid out building finished in 2004. Unlike much of Edinburgh, it sported a very modern aesthetic. Fortunately for us, there was disability parking across the street from us. (We were fortunate to be able to use our disability parking placard from the US.)

To get there, we had taken a back road along Easter Road, bypassing the traffic heading through Edinburgh's famous Royal Mile. For those who do not know, the Royal Mile is essentially a giant hill running along the heart of the city, with the Palace of Holyrood and the Scottish Parliament by the bottom ("the foot") and the Edinburgh castle by the top ("the head"). We started at the bottom, in other words.

The Scottish Parliament, which has free entry, seemed impeccable open to the public. Unlike the US Congress, which even in better years did not accept visitors without express permission, we simply had to pass through a simple security checkpoint and were allowed to wander around inside. (Because the Parliament was in recess, we could not witness the debate chamber.) The interior managed to be simple yet modern and spacious, leaving much room for me and my wheelchair. The inside was mostly taken up by a set of displays highlighting excellent visual journalism. Most notably, an image from this year of a black woman standing down US cops equipped with shields and dogs. These displays contributed to a feeling of accountability: this legislative body observed the world around it, rather than simply dictating rules seemingly on whims (see: US Congress, most of the time).

This did not quite scratch the historical itch, however. So now it was time to visit the nearby Palace (which was just across the street)!

...But it was now past 4:30 pm, and they no longer sold tickets. Such an exciting visit would have to wait until the next day.

So we settled on something more Portland-esque: the Edinburgh Cocktail Festival. We ended up there by traveling up the Royal Mile, which is difficult on wheelchair (as one might imagine). Lured by the promise of live music, we sat down by the makeshift stage and waited. Unfortunately, our timing coincided with a break. We decided to rest there before heading to dinner. A familiar drumbeat began playing out of the speakers -- it sounded like Radiohead's song "High and Dry." But instead it was the song I always mix up with "High and Dry." When Ira Kaplan's vocals came on, I realized that the piece was "Autumn Sweater" by Yo La Tengo, a song that warmly reminds me of music I liked in high school.  (Still a piece I wholeheartedly love.) Imagine coming all the way to Scotland to hear an American song played in public!

After twenty minutes or so, we headed (down the Royal Mile) to Kilderkin, a pub we heard was quiet good. It was time to finally eat some fish and chips in the UK! ...Or so I thought...but it seemed they weren't serving it at that time. What a disappointment!

On our way down, some tourists devouring tasty-looking fish and chips had told us about Bene's, a small food place across the street. So, with myself in a wheelchair, we trekked upwards, fighting gravity heartily, to head to Bene's. For 7.2 pounds for fish and chips (which me and my parents ate) and 5 pounds for doner kebab (which my sister ate), it seemed reasonably priced. The plan was to eat on the University of Edinburgh's campus, but we got lost. Instead, we settled by the fountain outside the Scottish Parliament. No friend of grease, I found the fried fish quite pleasant. Much better than fish and chips I had eaten in the US. Finally, after several days in the UK, fish and chips were in my stomach!

On our second day, we saw the Palace of Holyrood and Edinburgh Castle, which are at the bottom and top respectively of the Royal Mile. In the morning, my mom and I visited the Palace, whereas all four of us (my mom, my dad, my sister, and I) went to the Castle in the afternoon.

Thanks to my wheelchair, I earned a 5 pound discount, and my mom got in free as my assistant (wheelchair pusher). Unfortunately for my mom, photos were not allowed anywhere inside the Palace. This was something of a relief to me, as my inability to pose properly for photos is a minor source of anxiety. After a few exhibits, we were confronted with a grand spiral staircase, which held us back on the first floor.

Fortunately, the wardens took us through side paths to arrive at the elevator, allowing us to skip the stairs. Surprisingly, the elevator fit in quite well with the historic designs of the palace, despite appearing quite recent. One major highlight was the Great Gallery, covered by a royal red rug, which featured 96 portraits of Scottish royalty. Clearly this land had much more history than I had realized. As we made our way through, we listened to our audiobooks, gaining mastery over this history. (However, this mastery has already been undone. )

My mom saw the room of Mary, Queen of Scots -- whereas I could not because of a spiral staircase leading up, and no elevator. I witnessed the room through a video display on a computer in the Great Gallery; it was apparently best known for its collection of weapons. Except for one rather important detail. Supposedly, it was the room where Mary's secretary was executed by the King (her husband) on account of jealousy. (By this point, I have probably shared this anecdote a hundred times.)

Many of the rooms featured beautiful tapestries, some downright Rococo, but I cannot show them to you due to a lack of photos. The Palace was beautifully impressive, beyond my capacity to describe in this travelogue. Very likely, my highlight from the trip. We also got a chance to witness the gardens.

Now we met up with my dad and sister, who were again in the disability parking by the Parliament. We found Cajun chicken sandwiches on the Royal Mile at a place fittingly called Let Me Eat. That certainly described my current sentiment, as my sister pointed out. Then we continued our way along the Royal Mile towards the castle. This drove home the intricacy of Scottish history even further.

The roads became congested with pedestrians, forcing us to move exceedingly slowly. (We were allowed to drive on account of my mobility challenges.) We made our way to the top, and saw the castle entrance. However, it quickly became apparent that the entire complex was its own hill, even steeper than the Royal Mile. And....we were given no wheelchair discount this time. A taxi ferried us to the top (free of charge beyond the ticket), and we got out and took many pictures. (Photos were allowed here.) Apart from cool historical buildings, the Castle had cannons and a beautiful view of Edinburgh. Where the Palace is compact, the Castle is quite spread out, but both are quite charming.

There was a last item on the bucket list for that today -- a site in Edinburgh famous among certain tourists. In particular, those who are Harry Potter fans. The whole city, especially the Castle and the Palace of Holyrood, are said to have inspired the series. An ancient college near the Castle is said to have in particular provided a foundation for the design of Hogwarts -- this a Palace warden had told me,  But, there was a more concrete connection. This place on our bucket list was a place where JK Rowling had spent time writing -- it is called the Elephant House, clad with a maroon banner above the doorway. For the sake of memory, I ordered a hot chocolate to go, my very own disposable memento. The creamy chocolate drink certainly left me contented.

By this time in the day, most touristy things had closed. We had missed our chance to see the National Museum of Scotland, much to my mom's chagrin. My sister suggested a night ferry. Instead, we headed back to the apartment with the realization that we had just the following morning for sightseeing. However, we did not leave the apartment at all during the evening.

It was 9 AM the next morning. Typically, it could not be taken for granted that all of us would be up, let alone ready to leave. But today was different -- we bucked the fatalism of time by heading to the National Museum of Scotland that we had passed up. (This museum is actually located on a road branching off the Royal Mile, freeing us from worrying about hills.) It was free, so there was no other argument against going. There were some neat science exhibits, creating the backdrop for exquisite photos (taken by my expert photographer of a sister). Then we walked around outside and witnessed more street life of Edinburgh, complete with a dash of drizzle. This may come as a surprise given one's expectations about Scotland, but it was actually sunny during our first two days, and quite bright. Most notably, we were given a pamphlet for a Shakespeare play that may not actually contain any Shakespeare.

After some exploration along the road, we returned to the car, feeling simultaneously ready to head back to Leeds and not ready to leave. For one, my mom hadn't even seen the Edinburgh Museum she had wanted to see. But that was the time allocated for the trip. During previous plans, I had considered visiting Glasglow -- later on, I learned that it is better for shopping, not history. Perhaps my real reason is the fact that the band Franz Ferdinand hails from that city. Alas, a return to Scotland may have to happen sometime in the future, as that was quite fun,

Miniature travelogue time!

For 1.4 pounds, I purchased chocolate milk from UK grocery store M&S for the first time in 6 years. My mind urged it was essential. Not simply any chocolate milk, but this specific kind. One can tell my priorities were straight.

In fact, it has been one of my goals since arriving in London. To get this M&S "Chocolate Flavoured Milk". 

A fool might think all chocolate milk is identical, mass produced with no variation. This proves them wrong. But this ecstatic blend brings milk and chocolate together in complete harmony and symmetry. Elysian creaminess meets a soft chocolate approach that remains delicious with every gulp. And I refuse to allow the rug a mere drop. 

When I head home, I will surely miss this excellent chocolate milk. It is salvation.

Flower Declaration of Love: Under the Dog

Under the Dog follows Hana, who promptly informs us that her family is awkward. Walking down the stairs and towards the door. Off to an entrance exam where something greater lies ahead. Her dad wishes her luck, but this is a lie. Even with these lies, Hana wishes fervently to help her family.  Against this apparent contradiction , the story unfolds. 

It is a baffling tale where soldiers invade a high school 

with little warning. And Hana is revealed to be a not so normal person. Rather a person sent to protect a boy named Nanase. The story appears to stumble numerous times, especially when introducing characters who scarcely appear again. 

The end product is stilted but still there are hints of the themes it promises. It is a firm belief on this site that the phrase "nothing remotely good" is typically a lie. So let me offer how Under the Dog could be made compelling. And not simply things like reducing the scope and rewriting the dialogue.

Rather than a standard glimpse into Hana the "ordinary" person, begin up front with her eyes turning green. They hint at her true identity as an assassin and her quest to protect her family. If she is fleshed out in such a way, she becomes a plausible character. By pouring more emphasis, the audience would right away understand her mission. In this way, the opening scene of Gunslinger Girl, which showcases Henrietta as a killer, would be an apt template to follow. We would see immediately that Hana can serve as protector. 

In her effort to protect Nanase, which does provide some sorely needed characterization, we see Hana again take on this guardian role. In a way, his struggle is hers as a result. So I wish the work had given more thought as to why Nanase matters so keenly, and in turn why her mission matters. To this end, the opening should demonstrate that, using glitch imagery that aligns with the green eyes, Nanase's father is the monster plaguing that world. To give us hope that he could persevere. That Hana could persevere. 

Allowing both to die at the end flies in the face of the hope described do gingerly but earnestly described by Hana. By tearing emphasis away from the minute battles, the work would have been much more powerful if it had focused on self discovery through fighting the monster and learning that it is Nanase's father. And had lived in the process. For me, that would lead to a more satisfying and connected ending. 

Ultimately, Under the Dog desperately needed to step back. Reduce the scope, and aim for psychological battles and defeats, less on actual blood and violence. Restructure the story, and make it move faster during worldbuilcing moments. And most importantly,  convince the viewer of the importance of Hana and Nanase by digging much more deeply into their motivations and skills. By giving us reason to care deeply for Hana and Nanase, this work could drive home its potentially powerful theme of hope in the face of the worst humanity can offer. 

A Stifled Voice: Special education and the film A Silent Voice

Notebooks thrown in the pond,

Hearing aids discarded,

Being left alone, 

Called disgusting,

Criticized for taking up special attention.

Kyoto Animation's A Silent Voice, a gorgeous and heartfelt work, follows a deaf girl named Nishimiya, beginning with her transfer into an elementary school. In her introduction, she explains with a notebook cast above her head that she cannot hear. 

She is bullied extensively by her peers, who are convinced that she gets special treatment. They complain that the lessons are disrupted. And mock her speech. To watch her suffer is to feel disgust that it is tacitly allowed. One day the principal announces that Nishimiya has had several pairs of hearing aids damaged and asks for the bully to step forward. This highlights her status as an unwanted member of the classroom.

I understand the feeling of having special needs while in a "normal" classroom. While the unfortunate things that happen to her are unfamiliar to me, I can throughly understand that feeling of isolation. 

In the US, special classrooms exist to help students with special needs. Wouldn't Nishimiya benefit from that, one might reason. One incident begs this question. An instructor is brought in to teach Shuwa -- Japanese sign language -- but the class resists. They prefer the notebook. Their convenience over Nishimiya's well being. Utilitarianism at its finest. 

If Nishimiya was in a more individualized setting then her needs could be met without disrupting the class. 

The idea is nonsense, really. Citation: myself.

During high school I was on an Individualized Education Plan where I took a special education class along side the "normal" ones. A class called Social Cognition, which covered many basic conversational and organizational skills. For me, someone with a physical disability, it was an effort to sidestep my true needs. 

For some the class may be helpful, but it was not for most of the students from what I could tell. It had no bearing in anything. And for me I wanted things like extended time on tests. I wanted help with concerns from my physical disability not a special ed class focusing on social skills. It doesn't help that special education is seen as unnecessary for "good" students.

Because of that, I took myself off my IEP. 

Special ed is so very insular,I feel, often isolating students. There's a stigma attached to it in the US. That's why integration is important. That's why asking the children to learn Shuwa is important. That's why teaching about the experiences of wheelchair users is important. Students with disabilities deserve to fully participate in the classroom, condition permitting, and nontoxic  face stigma. Naturally that includes Nishimiya. 

Unfortunately Japan and US both seem to struggle with accommodating students with disabilities. Especially in the realm of stigma and stopping bullying. Yet the Japanese emphasis on the students who struggle seems beneficial in thus regard, given their efforts to ensure Nishimiya's success. 

There is hope, with increasing awareness both of specifically deafness and disability in general. Integration is worthwhile, especially with the emphasis on the wellbeing of all students in the classroom. Much preferable to the insular nature of the special education classroom for many students. 

May the trauma Nishimiya faces not happen in the future. 

Science Fiction as a Voice for the Voiceless

Plot details from the series SukaSuka, Alice and Zouroku, Sakurada Reset.

What do you do at the end of the world?

Prompted by this question, you are likely confused. *The* world? Which world(s)? Are there worlds? What is the end of the world(s)? It could be the universe we live in, including “our” world and other possible worlds.

Science fiction is fascinated by the possible existence of other worlds. Often times, at least for the more standard fare stuff, it’s for the sake of showcasing interesting futuristic technology. However, at its core, sci-fi probes the human condition at a deeper level, asking how humanity organizes itself when prompted by different environmental conditions than the present day present time (Really, fantasy is one in the same, except with magic not technology.)

However, I am most fascinated by the ability of science fiction works, by portraying other worlds, to create empathy for other ways of life. Most famously, Ursula Le Guin’s The Left Hand of Darkness posits the scenario where the gender binary is freakishly abnormal, supplanted by a world full of hermaphrodites who can switch roles; in this reflective manner, Le Guin humanizes those left outside of the strict gender binary found in mainstream society.

This sci-fi capacity for empathy strikes me as similar to the imaginative play that children engage in. They play pretend so they can understand the world around them and the people inhabiting that world – to appreciate that everyone, in a sense, lives in their own world. Science fiction shares this pedagogical goal, often creating literal worlds to highlight how different people live. Additionally, sci-fi series can be used for the purpose of imaginative play, where one envisions a place in this fictional universe or world.

However, science fiction can be seen as even more political than other works, given this capacity. Certain beings can be elevated high or cast down below based on some sort of prediction of how the future unfolds. Sci-fi can be used to denigrate and discriminate.

But at the same time, it can be revolutionary, offering expression to groups that feel voiceless. Based on my life experiences, one such group would be those who have a disability of some kind, especially a physical one. This could be someone who is in a coma, or expresses themselves ‘inappropriately’ (the hallmark of Autism and other disorders that interfere with speech).

What if the imaginative play of science fiction, wherein the creation of a world or worlds to offer enhanced self-expression capabilities, can be applied to such people? Fortunately, there are those who have tried. And hopefully, this is far from an abating trend. I will discuss three series in particular.

In Satelight’s SukaSuka (“World End”), the protagonist and lead heroine Chtolly is faced with a short life. In a powerful scene, the director reveals a set of flickering candles, straight from Chtolly’s mind, that highlights her immense anguish. Memories from a past life besiege her, appearing as candles. In other scenes, these memories are encapsulated by an imaginative depiction of an empty world, with a red-haired young girl sitting on a bed who talks to Chtolly, conveying her true feelings to the viewer.  As the series wears on, her hair transforms from soft blue to the fiery red of the young girl, complementing this approach. Shortly before completing her final, most critical, task in the world, she remarks that she is the happiest girl in the world – this statement rings powerfully because of the hints fed to the viewer about her deepest struggles. If we are to believe anything said by Chtolly, it is surely these final words.

In J.C. Staff’s Alice and Zouroku, Sana is – similar to the previous entry – a being with magical powers, only this time referred to as a Dream of Alice. She takes on the appearance and personality of a young girl, curious about the world but powerful enough to change it. Throughout much of the series, after learning she is not human, Sana returns to this conclusion that she is a monster, leading to her powers wreaking havoc. In the show, Wonderland serves as a metaphor for the feelings of these Dreams of Alice, conveying the instability that Alice faces.

This last example most explicitly describes the ability of science fiction to show experiences that would otherwise remain invisible. In David Production’s Sakurada Reset, much of the population features special abilities, not as dramatic as the magical powers described in the previous two examples. Honoka Katagiri’s ability involves creating a dream world. One wrinkle: she has been in a coma for nine years, a state seen as close to death.

However, the dream world – termed One Hand Eden (OHE) allows Honoka self-expression.  As Eden, per descriptions by the Sakurada authorities and medical personnel, supposedly this ability allows for immense – fake – happiness. In a way this fits a stereotype that persons with disabilities are complacent to exist without pushing their boundaries. Barriers, so the logic goes, are something to live behind for safety. Nonetheless, Honoka maintains full control of her world.

Surprisingly, this creation born of reverie extends far beyond the ramblings of a mad Justin (he knows who he is). In a word, it’s a dull place, mostly fashioned after the real world, in a way providing the viewer a literal depiction of what Honoka’s life could be like. More importantly, what she would like it to be.

A simple conflict is set up, betraying the simplicity of a bed-ridden Honoka. In OHE, there is no Honoka, only Michiru, who is fully mobile, clad with a blue bird on her shoulder. Knowingly, Michiru welcomes the viewer and the main characters to the dream world, establishing a clear distinction. Other than the blue bird, one could be forgiven for mistaking the dream world for the actual one. When pressed, Michiru insists she has never heard of “Honoka”, one of the only seemingly abnormal detail. Such a discrepancy suggests that Honoka is both aware of her situation in the real world and consciously moves away from it; this escapism, or so it seems, perfectly complements an ability called One Hand Eden. 

Central to the OHE is the blue bird on her shoulder, a being named Chiruchiru who acts as the dream world deity and allows Michiru to live comfortably in her Eden, away from her real existence as Honoka Katagiri. So where does this lead us? Clearly, despite living in a coma, Honoka’s actions betray a deeply conflicted identity, with one foot in the real world and the other foot in OHE.

Does this situation contradict what we know about comas? Honestly, who knows. From the perspective of society, a coma patient is a drain on resources, especially in a despicable healthcare system like ours that values efficiency over lives. From an outside perspective, Honoka qualifies as completely unresponsive. However, in the OHE, she maintains full ability to respond, to the point of molding the world to her whims. If we are to take this work seriously, then perhaps it does follow that comas are not truly a vegetative state as tends to be thought. After all, your brain features altered and reduced activity during sleep, but that does not mean you’re a vegetable at night.

Especially here, calling Honoka’s efforts escapism would be remiss and reductionist. As her Eden, she has full control over expression, which is vastly different from the real world. As she reminds us, “I can’t even stand up in the real world, but I can run around in here!” Michiru does not face the systemic barriers that Honoka does, and can do what she likes. The fundamental contradiction of the OHE is how it gives her what she wants *too often* (as symbolized by Chiruchiru) while offering this spectacular freedom. To me, this gives Michiru, as Honoka’s stand-in, an impressively human feel, a genuine tack at self-expression through the dream world.

No matter how idyllic Michiru paints the OHE, there are inconvenient truths, again leading to a humanizing narrative outcome. Or, one. Namely, a monster that appears at night, threatening to destroy the dream world. That is where the main characters step in to help Michiru, but at no point did the show convince me that she was just the disability version of a damsel in distress. Rather, it strives powerfully towards providing a voice for someone who would be voiceless otherwise.

Considering Honoka’s story from a social perspective reminds me of the subtle ways in which persons with disabilities are ‘stripped’ of the ability to speak earnestly and deeply.  This stripping goes beyond a person with a medical condition that prevents speaking, which can also include coma patients.  Even if a person speaks, they very well be ignored if it’s perceived as ‘inappropriate’, which is especially true for persons with disabilities. The enthusiastic behavior of Michiru suggests that she is beyond it, but the monster proves otherwise. Chtolly and Sana similarly seem to carry this fear of not being heard, that their deepest struggles will not be understood because of how their bodies work.

For that reason, these stories where the imaginative play of science fiction is used to give voices to the voiceless is so powerful to me. This concept need not only apply to the One Hand Eden, just to disability in general, but can also be used to uplift persons from other marginalized groups as well. Through such stories, those considered mute, unresponsive, or otherwise a “drain on society” (especially a capitalist society) are revealed to be as acutely human as the rest of us.